Authentic Book: First draft

I created the eternal universe. The universe was empty and filled with void. I said, "Let there be Gods", and suddenly the universe was overcrowded with 34 crores of Gods. Gods were fighting against each other. So, I gave them something to play with, the mortal universe.

Still, they weren't happy. They divided them into two groups. One of the groups retained their names as Gods, and the others started to call them evils. They were fighting again. Almost 1 crore beings were killed in their silly fights. So, I made them all immortal. Also, I divided them into different groups, with 33 crores+ into one group, and the remaining 1500 odd into 800+ groups with each group having not more than 4 of them. I also put them into a delusion that only their group existed in the eternal universe.

They got bored. They kept disturbing me whenever I played Minesweeper (which I did all the time) to ask for favours. It was getting tough for me to answer everyone individually. So, I made an infinity gauntlet, so that I can think about a wish and grant it with a snap. I kept granting powers to individual Gods, but then I got bored again.

One day, I thought "Let Gods have infinite powers and not be destroyed", and snapped my finger. I should have added the exception of me with all other exceptions, before snapping, but I didn't, because I am an idiot. So, their powers are endless.

They divided their lands into heavens and hells. In the first group, they appointed a God to take care of hell. In all other groups, they appointed evils to take of the hell. Gods in heaven enjoyed their privileges. They were playing with the mortal universe. They used SIMULINK to model the universe, and put different equations and tried out which worked best.

Once they finalized the equations, they deployed them into the universe. When things were moving smoothly, they sat down and observed them for billions of years. Finally, they created time and made all the equations dependant on time just for fun.

They waited another billion years, but this time they had the sense of time by viewing the happenings on the mortal universe. But then they were bored because everything worked perfectly and there was no surprise to them.

One of the Gods said, "Let there be light". Suddenly there was light. All the Gods particularly chose a single small particle in the universe (called Earth) and created some objects that could do other operations, which weren't clearly described by any rules. And as a ruler of all life forms and the protector of the (inexistent) rules, they created human beings in different parts of the tiny particle. They didn't know that they were all sharing the same particle to create life forms. So, they overpopulated Earth with humans.

They made sure that the humans remembered Gods and offered their praises to them regularly. Whenever humans had forgotten about God, they punished them with disasters, diseases, and calamities. Also, at the request of Gods and evils from hells, they wrote of some rules for humans to follow (different Gods wrote different rules), and whenever a human failed to follow the rules, they sent them to hell for the hell dwellers to have some fun.

During the hard times, Gods made the humans to beg for mercy, made them chant their names hundreds of times, do painful acts, sing songs praising the Gods etc. Whenever they get pleased with the human efforts, they helped them recover from the hard times. Sometimes they simply let them die.

The games of Gods got more and more boring. So, they created different rules for after death experience. And thus, survives the mortal universe to be wiped off completely.

Maybe next time, I will take serious considerations to how many Gods to create, how to make them live in harmony, how to restrict their powers etc. If you have better advice, please leave it in the comments. I have erased the memories of Gods. So, now they believe that they weren't created and they existed forever. But, I still know their weaknesses.