We are all in war

It was one of the most beautiful evenings. A long slit of sunlight disturbed my monotonousness with work. When I turned to the window, the room was turning yellow. I decided to take a break and walked out. Grabbing a cup of tea, I walked near flower plants. There was a beautiful butterfly, a rare one with shades of white, red and black.

When I thought nothing could make my day better than that, there was a small sparrow right behind me staying silently. For one moment, I felt that my childhood had come back. There was a small guilt inside me that my mobile was radiating, which could have been hurting the small beings. I realized how cruel I was to walk with such an evil device inside an ecosystem, where every living being lived harmoniously. They might not have even realized that I was the demon in their lives.

I was lost in my thoughts, my heart felt heavy, and my legs pushed me away from those innocent beings. As soon as the sparrow saw me moving away, it took a steep dive downwards, glided towards the flower, caught the butterfly, and flew up to another tree.

Aren't we all like that?

We think women are living a far better life today than ever before.  Men say that women are like goddess and have to be respected to the most. A majority of them believe that a woman's life is more precious than that of a man. That's why there is a universal celebration of Women's day compared to the ignorance about when Men's day actually is. Every man (at least in this country) would say that women are like the butterflies that make our garden beautiful. Probably, that's where it gets dangerous. A butterfly is loved by everyone, but does this love ensure safety?

We need a government to provide strict laws to protect a woman from harrasment not only by strangers, but also from relatives, friends, and colleagues. Don't they really deserve trust from their loved ones? At the end of the day, the victim of cruel intention gets blamed for friendly or casual behaviour. The rapists walk out proud, but the victim will have to carry a shame throughout her life.

We think that civilization has ensured the necessary safety to women by collectively making the human society a lot better. We think that women are safe in the hands of the society as long as she doesn't invite problems by indulging with the wrong people. Aren't we all fooled by the virtual inexistent safety net around a woman?

One day, a girl was early from home and waited for train in Nungambakkam. The next moment, she was killed on a broad daylight. She definitely did not bother anyone. She was minding her own business and avoided unnecessary contacts from her life. But, these protocols didn't save her.

The other day, she was peacefully riding her bike. She followed all protocols. She obeyed traffic rules. She didn't cross a red signal, she didn't ride on the wrong side, she didn't overspeed, she didn't change lanes or ride hazardously. She was dead within a few minutes after a hanging board (of a political leader, who promised to protect her) fell on her.

Not many days had passed. She took her bike after work and thought of returning home. She noticed the tyres were punctured. She thought that the Commissioner office was just a km away, and the nearest patrol vehicle was a few hundred meters away, and it wasn't close to midnight (considered to be the excuse time for rapes). She was still scared even when so many vehicles were moving around her in the busy road. She was kidnapped, raped, tortured, killed and her body was burnt.

The protocols that were set by men for women to ensure their safety: wearing traditional dress, being sober, avoiding interactions with men, returning home early, staying away from unsafe places, following traffic rules etc. nothing, literally nothing could ensure minimal safety to a woman's life.

Nature is dangerous, especially the human nature. Women are mere butterflies here. Everyone loves them only to possess them and taste their flesh. Men are all monsters. We see a sparrow in men. We don't realize that a sparrow shows no mercy to a butterfly.

We have created an illusion that avoiding a war, not joining armed forces, not entering an hostile environment would ensure a long life to us. In reality, we are already in a war. Here, men are fighting for their greed over the possession of women, and women are fighting for their freedom, just for their mere existence.

For so many years they had fought for equality. One incident, just one incident, to an unknown lady, in an unknown city, would make her lose all her freedom and go back to the cage.

Scene 23: Abi and I

The evening of the winter was chilling me. I was running towards the coffee shop  hoping Abinaya would not loose her temper waiting for me. I started 30 minutes early, but unfortunately I had got the weird thought of dressing up to meet her. My mom liked Abinaya She thought Abinaya and I would make the best pair.

It should have been the most appropriate arranged marriage ever. Abinaya looked like an angel in the photo that they had shown me, but I wanted to meet her. I wanted to know about her. I had used the past two  weeks to prepare for the first meeting. I had ran through all the blogs, videos, and podcasts to learn about the dos and don'ts.

It was until the final moment, I had thought of going on a casual dress and look cool, but then things changed. I wanted to look like a man, a bit strong, matured, a man whom she could trust. So, I quickly went back and wore a suit. It just added 10 minutes more, but then I couldn't get the parking. So, I had to park my car almost a kilometre away on a private parking area and rush back. Yes, when I said running, I meant running.

When I saw the coffee house, I paced myself down. I waited for my heartbeat to reduce, so that she wouldn't think that I was desperate about this. It was sweating, so I had to silently go to the washroom and  refresh myself. Fortunately, the washroom was just beside the entrance. So, I didn't have to face her all sweaty and messy.

When I was ready and felt confident, I went out. I searched for her. When I found her, I found that she was already looking at me. The sarcastic smile on her face indicated that she had been watching me the entire time. I had practised my killer smile before the mirror for more than a hundred times in the past two weeks, but I ended up giving an awkward smile in embarrassment.

I slowly walked towards her. She didn't look like an angel. She was actually an angel. Photos did lie. It felt like no perfect camera in the universe could have captured all the beauty that she had carried. Her beauty diffused in the air. I felt like the atmosphere inside the coffee shop was surrounded by the beauty and I was fainting.

She tried hard to control her laughter. I realised that I was staring at her for too long. She took her phone, and probably texted someone. She locked the phone, and kept it inside. It felt like I was walking on an ever stretching place, and the distance between us kept increasing as I started to walk. It felt like it would never end, and I was hoping that she wouldn't leave before I could reach her.

Finally my knees touched the chair and I realised that I reached the table. I could not move my eyes from her. I used my hands to touch and find the geometry and orientation of the chair. I slowly moved it and sat on it.

My mind was totally blank. That was the most uncomfortable time frame in my whole life. Two weeks of rehearsals for a single moment of introduction, and I couldn't find a single word to talk. My mind had attained nirvana and it was all empty and peaceful. The world made more sense to me at that moment. My life made more sense. Gravity, relativity, big bang, quantum computing, economics, GST, and even DL method made so much sense at that moment. I realised my true self and purpose in life. She was my destination and I felt that I was at the verge of attaining it.

It just needed a single magical word to open the gates to self-realisation, but I couldn't get it. She looked at me and said, "Hi" with a bright smile. Some people are really gifted with a beautiful smile. She cast a magical spell on me, which made my soul to go out of my body and view the whole scene from outside. I was a mannequin on the chair.

She waved her hand before my eyes and said, "Are you here? Is there anything wrong? Hello!"

My soul got the signal and came back to me. I felt alive once again. I was literally reborn at that moment. "Ya, hi! Hello! Nothing. Ya, Ok. Nothing nothing. It's just... It's the.... Nothing. Leave it. Hi", the words came out from my mouth. My brain wasn't active at all. I couldn't remember what was happening there. It took me a minute to recover my complete consciousness.

That was really my worst nightmare. I wanted to make her fall for me with a great smile and introduction. I had lost both. I failed terribly. I thought she would walk away and it was the end of it. I felt so depressed. I had failed my mom. It was so simple and I ruined it within a few minutes. I started to think about what all I could have done better. I wished I could invent a time machine to go back in time and redo that particular moment.

"You're panicking. Don't be afraid. I wont eat you. I am a vegetarian", she said and laughed. It was seriously a pathetic attempt for a joke. I wondered whether she was really stupid or was she also nervous and ruining her tries.

Her smile stopped and she started to wonder what was wrong with me. Then, I realised that it was much more easier than I expected it to be. Two weeks of preparation was totally meaningless. I believed that I would have managed so easily had I not prepared much. I gained confidence and said, "Good try for a joke. Better luck next time".

She smiled and said, "At least you could smile a bit. Even in the in your photos you were not smiling. I thought of cheering you, but it doesn't seem to be working".

I took a moment to process all the information that were contained in her words. Only when I had a complete understanding, I thought about giving her the best reply. A few sarcastic replies popped up in my mind, but I neglected them to be a little humble. I realised that I was overthinking and I started to speak, "Well! Not everyone is gifted with a natural smile. Me, for an example", I said.

"Everyone is born with a smile. It is the most natural thing a human can get", she replied.

"Very wrong. We are born crying and slowly become resistant to changes and pain. Some become natural smilers, others become angry, sad etc. Anger is my natural emotion", I replied.

"No. I strongly disagree", she replied.

My mind was expecting that reply and it had already made an essay with facts, experiences, and evidences to prove my theory, but I had to override it because, I wanted the argument to stop. So, I said, "Lets end this here. It is irrelevant".

"OK. May be irrelevant, but do you at least appreciate humour", she asked.

"I am a man with a weird sense of humour.  I don't find things funny even when those things are universally accepted to be funny. The things I find funny needs a salient attention to every detail of the thing. So, people find me boring or irrelevant. So, I stick to silence rather than expressing everything that is on my mind", I replied.

She listened to the complete lecture with Bhoomadevi-level patience and said, "You can give it a try on me. We have more than an hour to talk", and smiled at me. Every time she smiled, an aroma of elixir formed around her. It spread through the air and made me intoxicated.

I was searching for examples. It was the third chance to impress her. I badly wanted to win at this. Pressure was building on me. I rejected so many plain jokes thinking that I could always come up with an intellectual stumping joke.

"Orders, sir!", a masculine voice came. I turned and found a waiter standing near me waiting for me to order. I looked at her. She looked at me and found that I was not ready to order. So, she ordered a cappucino, and looked at me, "what do you want", she asked.

"Tea. One tea", I stammered. It was an awful experience. He moved towards the kitchen. She looked at me and said, "I am still waiting, sir".

I regained confidence. I decided to go on with a flow. I took a deep breath and said, "Let me tell you a small story". She leaned forward eagerly to listen. I continued,

"There was a numerologist, who was closely associated with a family. He had named all the new-borns in their family. One day a girl child was born, and the child's father went to him. He said, "Guruji! I am blessed with another child. You need to bless her with a name".

The numerologist looked at the father and said, "By the name of God, I name your child Jai Sri Jagadamba Devi Durga Parameswari".

The father replied, "Oh Guruji! That was what you've named my first child" and continued in Hindi, "Abhi naya naam chahiye".

The numerologist looked up and down. He took all the scripts that he was carrying. He meditated on the divine Goddess for a minute and got into a realisation. He looked back at the father and asked, "What did you just say".

The father got scared thinking that numerologist was upset with his reply. He replied, "Guruji, please don't take me wrong. You had already named our first child the same. That is why I asked for a new name. I am sorry, if I had said anything wrong".

The numerologist smiled at him and asked again, "What did you say? I want the exact words". The father replied, "Abhi naya naam..". The numerologist stopped him right there and said, "Abhi naya". The father replied, "Haan ji. We need a new name". Numerologist smiled at him and said, "Abinaya is the name". And so, did they name their child Abinaya".

Her face was expressing some form of frustration. I started to smile. I looked at her eyes and said, "Guess what is the name of the father", and laughed at her.

And the coffee arrived. She cancelled it and walked out. I sensed that I ruined it completely. I knew that my mom would kill me when I return home. Or she might cut my meal for the night, if she knew about this. But, I didn't care about anything. I didn't even try to stop her. I was smiling and admiring at her. She was so beautiful when she was angry. I liked the raw beauty in her face. She walked past me.

I didn't know what was on her mind, but I definitely fell in love with her at that moment. I wanted to go to any extreme to get her in my life. I never needed another chance. I knew that I was gonna do it.

Then, the tea arrived. I had the tea. I closed my eyes and ran the entire sequence once again. The moment I ran for her, the moment when I saw her for the first time, that one plain smile with which she had made him blank, the first word from her mouth, the sweetness in her voice, all the funny stammering, the awkward joke, and the slow drift of her emotions, which occurred like a sunset on her face. The bright blue happy sky had started to disperse vivid colours of emotions setting a visual spectacle to finally settle into a dark night sky of anger. I preferred the night over the bright day.

Those days of Chauvinism: Chapter 1

I was studying 11th Std in a rural school. There was an oral exam in Tamil language and we were to deliver a speech on any topic before the class. The teacher was so generous that she would anyway give away 10 out of 15, even if the student attempt to speak before the class, but to get 15 on 15, one must speak.

I was discussing about the topic to speak on with one of the best speakers in my class, but I couldn't come up with a conclusion. So, he advised me to go to the dais and speak whatever came to the mind at that moment. So, I came totally unprepared.

Then the teacher entered and announced that girls would speak on that day, which gave boys an extra day for preparation. There was this dynamics in my class and girls would follow everything a teacher would say, and boys had the compulsion to maintain the pride of not following anybody's words.

So, every girl spoke whatever they had memorised the previous night. There were a few speakers, who had a great tone, accurate pronunciations, and smooth rhythm. I was wondering, if I could ever speak like that. Then I started to listen to what they were speaking.

Most of the topics were about women empowerment and how women had achieved so much in the world. I hated that so much. After each speaker, the teacher pointed out that boys in the class had to learn from the girls and deliver better speeches, instead of being lazy and coward.

It touched my ego. As a boy, I had to stand for the pride of men. Since, I considered girls to be intellectually and morally inferior to me (the order of superiority was me, other boys, and girls), I wanted to avenge the girls for the boys. Also, I believed that women empowerment was a failed ideology.

So, the whole evening I prepared a four page speech (technically six to seven pages, since I had a miniature hand-writing) on why women empowerment was stupid. Obviously, the main reason being women were intellectually inferior to men.

When I showed the speech to the best speaker. He asked me to tone it down and remove a few sentences, because he thought that the speech was offensive to women, and since the teacher was a women, she would punish me. I thought that it was the only place, I would ever gonna speak, and it was the last chance for me to express my ideology. Also, I wanted to prove girls were wrong about women empowerment, and honour the boys by showing everyone how stupid the arguments of feminists were. (Frankly, I didn't know  that there was such a word called "Feminist" back then. Also, the first time I heard someone calling me a chauvinist was almost five years later by which time I didn't know the meaning of chauvinism either.)

When I was on the stage, the teacher made fun of me. So did the whole class. They weren't ready for it yet. I smiled at everyone like a joker and wanted them to settle down. Then I said, "I offer my salutations to everyone. I am here to talk about how ruined the lives of Indians in 21st century".

There was a small pause and I found out that people were noticing me. I continued, "The reason, why our culture, tradition, and lives are ruined is because of all the freedom that we had offered to women". The teacher was stunned to hear this, and then started to laugh. The whole burst out in laughter. I signalled them to calm down and started to list out why freedom to women was based on false ideologies.

"Yesterday, the girls spoke a lot about freedom to women, but all the quotes they had used in their speech were told by men such as Thiruvalluvar, Bharathiyar, Bharadhidasan etc. Nobody could find even a single quote supporting women's freedom, which was told by a woman, not even from the poets such as Avvayar, Karaikkal Ammayar etc. The same goes with people such as Kalpana Chawla, who were quoted by most of the girls yesterday as an example of what women's freedom could make a girl into. It statistically indicates that educated women do not want other women to get educated. Even to speak for women's freedom, you need a man's support. Given that, how would you say that women are not dependent on men for anything? It is only the kindness and generosity of the men, which made them say such words. Even they wouldn't have meant what they had written on poems."

I thought that girls would have been enlightened after hearing that, but no. There was another round of laughter. The teacher asked me to continue. She was looking at the class's reaction instead of me. The class started to loose focus on me, as I started to get serious. Somewhere, in between this line came out.

"Even great scholars such as Chanakya argued that women should not be given freedom"

The teacher stopped me right there, and asked me, "when did he say that". I was prepared for that question, and already made up a quote: "If we give freedom to women, families will be ruined, which will lead to a man-made catastrophe in the world". I knew at that time that people would take a quote to be true, if we add a famous person's name to it. They wouldn't validate it. At the same time, if I had said the same thing, they would have asked me to prove it with scientific, mathematical, psychological, and political methods. So, technically I was a keen player in developing the fake news culture.

The day was a success to me. There were moments of laughter and I gained enough attention in the class. More than everything, there was no argument against any of the data that I had presented to prove that women's freedom was unnecessary and at times catastrophic to the society. So, I reconfirmed based on that statistics that I was intellectually superior to everyone in the class.

It took me a lot of years to learn about Simpson's paradox, I understood what kind of blunders I had committed while preparing the speech. Most of the statistics, which I had used were partial, and partial data could give a totally opposite conclusion. May be one day I would write up the role Simpson's paradox in making me a better person.

Scene 44: Anything for you

He finally went before her and stopped her by holding her hand. “Stop touching me”, she yelled at him.

He took his hands of her and said, “Ok. Cool cool”. He took his breathe. She was radiating her frustration by looking at his eyes.

He said, “I'm sorry. You know this road is just behind your favorite hotel? That's why I came here. I spoke with the security. Let's go to that road”.

She was already too frustrated, so she didn't move or reply. “Hey! It's our anniversary. Remember”, he asked. She cooled down a bit.

He held her hand and they started to walk. There was an awkward silence between them. He was thinking about the right conversation, which wouldn't upset her. He eliminated jokes, irrelevant science facts, philosophy, politics, his day at work one by one and finally got a topic to talk.

He turned towards her with excitement and started to speak, “Hey! That security outside your office”.

She interrupted right there and said, “Don't talk. I'm upset. Don't you get it? One more word and I'm walking back”.

He shut his mouth with both hands and walked. After walking a while she asked, “why are we walking? What about the car”.

He took his hands from the mouth and said, “There's traffic and I know that security. So, the car can be there”. As soon as he completed saying that, he shut his mouth with the hands again.

She yelled, “Don't over react. Take your hands off. Stay normal”. He took his hands off.

Finally they reached the hotel road, where the hotel was present, but they were on the other side of the road. So, she tried to cross the road. He pulled her back. She asked, “what”.

He looked terrified. He looked around and said, “there's a tea shop nearby. We can have a tea”.

She breathed heavily trying to control her frustration and asked, “what's the time”. “Ten” he replied. “Do you think this is the right time for tea”, she asked.

He couldn't face her. He faced down and slowly took the courage to say, “Sorry. I forgot our anniversary. I didn't plan for anything. I thought of taking you to this hotel, but I needed some time to get the reservations done. That's why I asked you to go for the space ride. I made the reservations, but it was too full. So, I'm here hopeless and praying God to rescue me from this hell of situation”.

She threw her purse at him. It hit him and fell down. He bent his right knee to take it. He took it and held it as if he was proposing her. She was furious and he wanted to cool her down. He was searching for words to speak.

She didn't speak a word. She covered her to hide her anger. She didn't wanna yell at him before the public. So, she has fighting to hold her anger. Her body was shivering due to that. She didn't utter a single word.

He was waiting in the same position for her to look at him. She looked down and frowned. He was in fear and his hands were shaking. The purse slipped from his hand. He leaned down to pick it.

He instead touched her feet. He looked at her and said, “You know that I'll do anything to right my wrong. I would even kiss your feet now. I'm sorry. I've done something terrible. What do you want me to do? I'll do it for you”.

She looked down at him. She slowly lifted brought her feet near her face and signaled him to kiss it. He looked around and realised that people were looking at them.

“It's ok. Let people do their business. You kiss my foot”, she said sarcastically. He was holding it and looking up at her face. After a moment of pause she said, “that's why you should be careful with your words”.

He kissed her foot. “Ahaa! You did that? What about the other foot”, she asked. He placed her left foot on the ground and took her other foot. He looked back at her again. “What are you waiting for dear ruler of the Galactic empire”, she asked.

He kissed the foot, held it and looked back at her. “I'll do anything for you. I'm sorry that I forgot it”, he said mildly. “Ya. You will do anything except remembering our anniversary”, she said and took her foot off his hand.

He received a phone call. She signaled him to answer it. He answered the call.

After the call, he said, “Come. We got our table. Let's go in”.

Scene 43: Space travel

It was their third anniversary. She was expecting a surprise from him. The whole day he was busy at office and she waited for him to pick her up from her office.

Finally, the moment arrived. She rushed towards the car after recieving a call from him. He was there yelling at the security to give him a small moment before clearing the No Parking area.

She smiled at the security and said, "Sorry, it's our anniversary". He facepalmed and before she could notice took his hand away. He signalled her to come in. With all the heavenly enthusiasm, she entered the car.

The car started to move. He looked to be in a dilemma, but she was expecting the surprise to happen at any moment. She wanted to keep it calm and pretended as if she didn't care.

His anxiety rose even more. He was taking the car through roads, they had never gone before. Her excitement was building up, but she maintained her chill. On seeing her, he was getting even more anxious.

After about an hour, he had finally reached a science museum. He parked the car, and bought two entry passes. They walked in.

He whispered something on the ears of the security. The security smiled at him and directed him. Her held hands tight and walked in the direction.

There was an isolated room there with minimal light. They entered the room. He locked the door and turned on the light. There was a sophisticated chair in the middle of the room. He made her to sit on the chair. He connected a few ports on the side of the chair and placed a hemispherical device on her head.

She stopped him and asked, "what is this". He replied, "it's a secret mission by IITs. This is a space probe. It would take you to a planet in the space. Trust me", he said.

"Are you not coming with me", she asked sarcastically. She didn't believe that space exploration could be so easy. "There's another such thing in the other room. I'll come once you reach there", he replied. She burst out in laughter, but she understood that there could be a surprise for her in the device. She placed the helmet on her head. She adjusted it in such a way that the hearing piece on the helmet were on her ears. It was pitch dark after she wore it.

He turned on a switch. She could hear a motor sound. She stated feel a centrifugal force and realised that the chair was rotating. The motor sound increased and there were discrete beep sounds coming through the hearing piece. The angular velocity increased and so, did the frequency of beep sound. All of the a sudden LEDs started glow on the helmet. She felt as if by she was being tortured. She could hardly breathe and felt nauseated.

She lifted her hands and signalled him to stop, but machine did not stop after repeated efforts. She couldn't even lift the helmet off. It was held so tight. For a moment she thought that she would die, but she hoped that a surprise would come at any time.

Slowly and gradually, she felt that the velocity of rotation was reducing, and the beep sound and LEDs had stopped to blink. In a while the chair came to rest. The helmet loosened and she immediately took it off. Her vision was bleeched when she opened her eyes.

"Where are you and what was that for", she asked. No one responded. Her vision recovered gradually. Everything around her looked different. The walls looked as if they were moving away. The colour of the walls kept changing. She couldn't feel her weight. She was slipping as she tried to walk.

She was taken by surprise. There was an abnormal peace. The peace scared her for a moment. The experience of a new planet was chilling her heart. Her steps started to shorten. Her throat was freezing. She felt left alone. "What if he couldn't make it here? Will I be left alone throughout my life? God! This is the worst surprise ever. I want him now. Why did he leave me like this", there were a million thoughts going inside her mind.

She reached the door and opened it with fear. There he was as he promised. She was so excited to see him wishing to spend the rest of her life in that lonely planet.

He was holding his mobile phone and recording the scene. "Welcome to planet Earth madam. This is a dangerous planet", he said in a deep voice. She looked around and realised that it was the same stupid science museum. The security was standing at the same corner and watching the scene.

She was frustrated. She pushed him and walked towards the exit. He fell down and started to laugh. He swiftly stood up and started to run behind her. She turned back to see what was written on the board outside the space travel room.

A modern replica of torture chair from "Ulagam Sutrum Valiban" movie, it read.

She looked down in embarrassment and ran out to the exit. He followed her and tried to stop her. He went right before her. "Hey! Wait", he said taking breathe. She looked at him with frustration. "Earth is still a planet in space. So, I didn't lie", he said. She almost burnt him with her stare and started to walk. He signalled the security to wait for five minutes and ran behind her.

Hopeful Lies: An irony story (26 chapters)

1.   You don’t have to cook

Vishwanath returned from office. Straightaway he told his wife, Sathyadevi, "You don't have to cook tonight".

He freshened up and went out. He finally returned home after four hours. He didn't notice Sathyadevi waiting for him, and went to sleep.

She woke him up and asked, "Where is the food". "It was at this hotel. We had a party too", he said and went back to sleep.

Then, she went back to kitchen with tears in her eyes. All her expectations about arranged marriage was broken finally on a single moment. Her hopes for a new life started to break like glass pieces in her world.

When she turned on the knob of gas, she heard a calling bell. She was so annoyed to receive a guest at midnight. Yet, she walked towards the door.

The took the towel and wiped out all the tears before opening the door. She saw a man dressed in orange T-shirt and cap. She turned on the outside light, and recognized that the guy was from Swiggy. All of a sudden, a new energy blossomed in her. She waited for him to deliver the parcel.

"Madam! Are you Kahul Raushik", he asked. She realised that the delivery was for the person in the opposite house. Her final hopes were also broken. She showed the direction to Kahul's house, and closed the door.

She scrambled, wept out for minutes. She almost lost her consciousness thinking about how hopeless her life had become. There was no love, no surprises, no care, no fun, no happiness and nothing positive. She was nothing more than a serving machine to her husband.

She finally came back to her consciousness when she heard her husband's voice. "Why are the lights on", he shouted. She took a deep breath and stood up. She had to bear with all hopelessness in life, but still couldn't resist to serve her husband.

When she turned towards the kitchen, the power went off. She screamed in fear. Vishwa threw himself from the bed in shock and walked towards her.

"What happened", he asked. "It's dark and I'm afraid", she said. "You fool! This is India. We have power cuts all the time. You have to adjust with it", he said.

"Ok. Maybe next time I'll do as you say. This time, can you light the candle for me", she asked him. "As if there's a choice. I have to do all works. I have to work at office, and come back to work here. Meanwhile, you enjoy your life on my salary", he said and asked, "where's the candle".

"It's in the kitchen. There'll be cockroaches. Be careful", she said in a mild tone.

"Ya. You'll be afraid of everything. I've to talk with your parents tomorrow about you. They have failed to grow you as a good girl", he said and walked towards the kitchen.

"My parents! Ok. As you say my dear. I'll apologize to everyone tomorrow", she said.

He found the candle and lit the match stick. His time slowed down substantially. He could see that the fire from match stick was growing continuously as if the room was completely filled with burning fuel.

Then boom! The time was insignificant to fill the entire room with LPG, but still it was enough to create a flash fire, which ripped off most of his skin.

"Freedom", she said as she turned on the main switch. The glow of fire had reduced due to the lighting. She watched him suffer with the burning. She played loud music on TV, and enjoyed his pain with the BGM.

"Tomorrow I'll definitely apologize", she said and laughed louder and louder.

2.                     Laugh brings love

Sathyadevi was really a peaceful soul. She never actually got angry on anything. She knew how to control her emotions. She was a master in patience. She would not even use a harsh phrase against anyone. Not even for defense.

She was calm and settled, but so silent in a bizarre way. She rarely had any conversations with her husband. Vishwa would either be on call, or busy with TV, and other works. The occasional conversations that would happen between them were of the preferences and important updates.

Though they did not interact with each other, everything in their life seemed so synchronous. Things were so smooth and without any differences. "What do you want for dinner", she asked. "Cut my head and cook it", he shouted.

She was silent and waiting for his anger to reduce. He cooled down after a moment and walked towards the kitchen. In a way to explain what she had done wrong, he said, "Don't you even know what I like? Why do you expect me to tell this every day? I should write a book about me and make you read it. Maybe then there won't be this problem", he said.

She was confused and clueless about how she should respond to it. He realized that she was helpless. He wanted to make her comfortable. He had learnt from online earlier about how to win wife’s heart. So, he thought of making a joke, because he thought she would fall in love, if he made her laugh.

He thought of showing off that he had a great sense of humor. After thinking for a while and couldn't get anything funny, he looked at her. She was still calm and cleaning up the mess as if she was born to do only that work.

He sort of gained a sense of pride. For a moment he wanted to prove that he was supernaturally intellectual, and he still married her, who knew nothing more than household works. He thought that maybe if he could make an intellectual comedy, she would be impressed and happy.

As he was thinking to frame the intellectual joke, he started to smile. There was a sign of excitement on his face. He asked her to come near him. Then he said, "You know something? If I kill your parents, I wouldn't go to jail".

She could not believe that such words would come from his mouth. To confirm what she had heard, she asked, "what".

He couldn't control his laugh anymore. He burst out laughing and continued, "because it is a murder only if their bodies are found. I would hide them secretly and file an FIR that they are missing". He continued laughing out loud.

She paused for a moment without knowing how to respond to him. She couldn't even understand his intent in attempting to make such a statement.

He saw that she did not react. So, he said, "I know you won't understand this joke. Go back to work". He laughed and laughed as she moved back to her work. “Silly girl. Can’t even understand the joke”, he said to himself.

3.                     You look exactly like your mother

The next morning when Vishwa woke up, Sathya was already brisk and cleaning the hall. She had turned off the fan. She had been cleaning the room for a long time that she was sweating out badly. Her face was dirty due to the dirt.

As she found him waking up from the bed, she went near her and said, "Wait a moment! I am cleaning the hall. Please stay here till then". He gave a disgusting look on seeing her that way. It felt that he had been betrayed by her parents that she was a beautiful woman. "It is all makeup and scent. I should have married a scent bottle instead", he murmured to himself, because he didn't want to hurt her by saying it loud.

As he tried to wake up from the bed, he slipped a bit. She tried to catch hold of him, but he slipped from her hands also, and fell back on the bed. He looked at her up and down. He turned his face off her. He noticed that when she tried to hold him, the sweat and dirt from her hands had stuck with his arms. He wiped that with the bed sheet and swiftly moved towards the bathroom.

She could not do anything, but to stay calm. She seemed to have disturbed. "Towel" his sound reached her ears. She went to the other wash basin, washed her hands and brought his towel. He seized it from her and closed the bathroom door.

She went back to clean the room. Once, she had finished her work, she freshened up and came back. He was waiting for breakfast by then. She warmed the food, which she had prepared earlier and served him.

After eating, his mood had calmed down. There was a bit of smile on the edge of his lips. He looked at her face and realized that she was not ugly as he thought she was. As he was staring at her face for a long time, she asked him if he had wanted to say anything.

"Nothing", he said and she turned away. "You just look like your mother", he said. She couldn't believe her ears. She realized for the first time in her life that her husband had some feelings for her. As she smiled, her eyes were filled with tears of joy.

She turned towards him, and asked, "Do you really mean it". "Yes, not just look. You even behave like your mother" he answered. Her happiness knew no bound. All the sufferings and pain, she had suffered flew off in that one moment. Tears of happiness rolled out of her eyes. She fell in love him. He was wrong when he thought that she would fall in love when she would laugh. Instead it was the tears that brought out her love for him.

After a small pause, he turned towards her again, and continued, "Look at you. Fat and dumb, just like your mother. And those wrinkles on your forehead. Were you born old? You both look to be of the same age. No sense of humor, foolish enough to not understand how much I had sacrificed to have you as my wife. You are blessed that you are living such a luxurious life. Without makeup and perfume, I cannot really come near you. I think this also has inherited from your mother. Don't know how your father is even managing with her. She is as dumb as you, or maybe even dumber. I hate my life".

She couldn't believe that it was happening. She was frozen to a stone. Her senses failed, her heart beat increased heavily. Her peace was totally broken. Tears started to flood from her eyes. That was the breaking point of her. She felt dead by his words. She became a body without soul. She fell down as she couldn't breathe.

When she woke up, he was spilling water on her. "Thank God! You didn't die here. Otherwise who would go to police station, court, jail etc. You could not even take life tips and suggestions to be a better person. I don't know how you're going to survive in this world. Now get the bed ready. I don't have time to advice you all the time", he said and pulled her up.

4.                     Loved him every second

"It is unbelievable that you would kill him", Jeevan said. "Why so unbelievable? It was like a reflex. I couldn't tolerate his torture anymore", she replied. He frowned at her angrily and turned away.

There was silence for quite a while. Then he asked her, "Do you remember what you promised me". She replied, "Yes. I do. Of course. How could I forget that", she asked. "How could you", he asked. She tried to reply, but he stopped her right away.

"I still couldn't believe it. I never thought that you would break your promise. I trusted you so much", he said. She turned towards him, he was facing away. "Look at me. Look at me", she yelled. She turned his face towards her as he was not responding.

"I did not lie. I did not break your trust. This guy was so unbearable. It was your mistake. I told that I was comfortable alone. I was living in my own universe. It was you how made me believe in love, trust etc. He was so unbearable", she continued.

"It doesn't matter how he was. The one thing I told you to change was to be tolerant to everything. You broke my trust. You don't remember, what you promised. Do you", he asked.

"Why wouldn't I remember it? I promised to love him every time the seconds hand in the clock touches a marking. How would I forget it? I still remember it", she replied.

"So, you loved him and yet you killed him", he questioned her. "No. I didn't love him. Not as much as I hated him", she replied. He was exhausted with her contradictory replies.

He just moved away. He wondered how she could remember everything about the note, but still couldn't do what was said on that. He felt like his efforts were in vain, and there was no purpose to continue his life.

She moved close to him. She said, "Listen. I loved him whenever the seconds hand touched a second marking, but I hated him every other time. In the clock, the area of blank space is way higher than the area of seconds marking. So, the hate was obviously a lot more".

He was even more shocked. He looked at what kind of blunder he had done by not saying directly to love him all the time. His choice of words was poor.

"There is no fault with me. It was all him", she continued. He could not reply. His brain seemed to have paused for a moment. There was silence in the room. There was horrifying silence in that room.

5.                     Kids think with their heart

Days after Sathya was born they brought her home from the hospital. They laid her on her cradle. She was a beautiful child. Her face carried a charming smile, but the moment her mom’s face moved away, she started to cry.

Her mom showed her face. The child continued crying. She lifted her and said, “Look at how cute you're!”.

She turned towards her husband and said, “She looks beautiful even when she's crying”. Sathya’s cry reduced gradually after her mom had lifted her. She slowly fell asleep.

For the first few days, whenever the child cried, her mom kept doing the same. She used to lift her crying daughter oh her hands and admire at her beauty and try to console her.

After a few days, when Sathya was crying, she heard her son, Jeevan say, “Mom! You missed to say she's cute”. He was three years old. She smiled at him and said, “yes, she's so cute. Bring her to me”.

Days after that whenever the child cried, mom heard Jeevan say, “you're so cute”. She was happy about how caring and supporting Jeevan is to Sathya. She had to do households all alone and she needed help to take care of Sathya. Sathya was crying every time she was away. Whenever she rushed from whichever work, she was doing to attend the child’s cry, she used to find Jeevan taking care of her.

She said to herself, “Kids are pure hearted and they care about each other without any prejudice”.

She noticed that the frequency of crying kept increasing every day. Within a week she found out that, it was Jeevan, who always made Sathya cry just so that he could say to her that she was cute. She caught him while he was pinching the child. He said, “How cute you're”.

She took him away and asked, “why are you doing this to your sister”. He replied, “because she's cute. I'm making her cuter by making her cry”.

Sure, kids are honest and do what their heart says. They try to be creative and make things around them cute.

She explained him why it was not a great idea to make a child cry. He nodded his head in agreement. After mom had left, he smiled broadly and looked at the child. He felt bliss on seeing her.

 6.                     Sister is the best gift to a brother

Jeevan liked his sister so much. He would take hold her hands while she climbed the school bus, and make her sit near him till the bus reached the school. It was always a fun watching her. Time hadn't changed the fun yet.

His mom brought an ice cream for each of her children and kept it inside the fridge. She told her children, “finish your dinner and have the ice cream”. Jeevan rushed to his dinner table and started eating. Sathya left her homework and went to wash her hands. She couldn’t find her plate. So, it took a while for her. Meanwhile, Jeevan had completed his dinner.

He went to the fridge and came back with an ice cream when she had finally found her plate. He slowly licked and ate the ice cream before her eyes as an act to tempt her. She ate half of her food and said that she was full. Even after insisted a few times by her mom to complete her meal, she didn't eat the other half. So, her mom ate the other half and asked her to take the plate with her.

She rushed to the sink, dropped the plate, washed her hands and went to the fridge. She searched for her ice cream. Jeevan told, “Mom! The ice cream is so delicious”.

After a few minutes, she called out for her mom and said, “Mom! My ice cream is missing”. They both called Jeevan and asked him if he has eaten both.

He said, “Yes”. His mom slapped him. Sathya started to cry. Her cry was so loud and sounded screechy. She was hungry as she hadn't eaten well and now all her excitement about ice cream had led her to deep misery.

The drama continued throughout the night. In the morning, Jeevan woke Sathya up. She pushed him away. He took an ice cream pack in his hand and showed it to her. She didn't turn towards him. He placed the pack on her cheek. The chillness of the pack made her happy.

“I just hid this from you. I didn't eat it”, he said and continued, “this is for you. Take it”. She woke up slowly and took the pack from his hand. She was the happiest person on the planet at that moment. Her hopes came true. All the negative feelings she had for her brother went off. He suddenly became her guardian angel. She reckoned the love and care he had for her.

When she opened the pack, it was filled with a frozen spoon. There was no ice cream. Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. He started to laugh. The sound of laugh and his face started to haunt her.

It only took a few seconds and then he moved out but it looked like it was happening for hours in her mind. She screamed deep inside her world. He was a torturer and she was jailed with his laughter. She couldn't move and perform any action. Her voice was unheard. She was lost inside an endless loop of torture.

He moved out feeling all the happiness. He went to his mom and told, “My sister is the best gift you've given to me. Thanks mom”. His mom smiled thinking that he loved his sister so much. Yes, he did. He did love his sister so much as a living toy.

7.                     Friends make you laugh

Every day of Sathya’s life began with a prank by her brother. She was fed up of complaining about his behavior to parents. She was losing hope in any possible friendly living atmosphere in her house.

Whenever she saw a happy and caring sibling, she felt jealous. She started to hate her friends, who had caring siblings. She couldn’t express her pain. She used to hear from her well-wishers that the more it pains, the happier the other part of life would be. She had got a few people to boost her up whenever she was low on energy.

One day, she had brought food, which had bitter and sweet both. She was upset the whole day, so she kept looking at box instead of eating anything. One of her elderly friends, Raksha saw her from a distance, and walked towards her. Raksha had always supported Sathya when she (Sathya) was on a bad mood.

Raksha told her, “Eat. You would feel better”. She looked up at Raksha’s face and felt better. She tried to take a piece of sweet. Raksha stopped her and said, “if you had eaten all the sweet, then there would not be any motivation to eat the bitter. So, first you eat the bitter”.

She felt disappointed that she couldn’t eat the sweet, and she had to suffer a lot while eating also. There was still a hope. The sweet was right before her. She used all her will power to break the hatred over bitter and ate it slowly piece by piece.

When she had completed all the bitter, there was only sweet in her lunch box. Raksha said in a kind tone, “See. This is like life. It is a mixture of sweet and bitter. When you’re finished with all the bitter, there will be only sweet in your life. So, when there is pain, please know that there’s going to be a lot of fun in the future”.

For the first time in her life, Sathya felt hopeful about life. A small smile emerged in her face. She was so enthusiastic to taste the sweet. But suddenly, she could not move her hands. It was her brother holding her hands from behind. When she turned back, one of her trusted friends, Nadhiya took her lunch box and ran away.

Raksha ran behind Nadhiya, yelling “Stop. Don’t do this to her. If I get you, I’ll kill you”. Nadhiya ate all the sweet while running, dropped the lunch box and went far away. Raksha took the lunch box and turned towards her.

Jeevan left her hands and said, “Oh dear! How cute you’re”. Raksha came near them. Her brother laughed at both of them. Raksha asked, “why do you do this to her”. He replied, “me? No. It was you. She would have eaten the sweet in the beginning, but you gave me a chance”.

Raksha shouted, “don’t you dare do this to her again”. He started to laugh louder. He thought that his sister would start to cry. Even Raksha thought about it that way, but tears didn’t come out. Her cheeks turned red. She started to shiver.

“Stop laughing and get away”, Raksha said. Suddenly Sathya started to scream. “Oh dear!” said Raksha and held her hand. She pushed her away. “I don’t need this. You get away from me, evil”, she said to Raksha. Raksha was shocked. Nadhiya, who ran away came back to explain that she did it just for fun and there was nothing serious about it.

Sathya turned towards her brother and her face was burning hot. He could feel the heat with a sight, but he laughed even more. Then she looked at her helpless elder friend. Raksha was shocked and even more helpless. She then looked at Nadhiya. Nadhiya was frightened by her stare.

“You know what? I’m not going to cry anymore. You want to have fun? Let’s have fun”, Sathya said and her lips broadened with her eyebrows still showing anger. She started to smile like an evil. Raksha was scared on seeing it. So, she went close to Sathya to stop her, but Sathya pushed her away and started to laugh. It really sounded like an evil’s voice. All the three were stunned for a moment. Jeevan took a breath and laughed at her again.

She stopped laughing. She slowly turned towards him. Her face was red like coal. Jeevan said, “Oh dear! How”, and before he could complete it, she said, “Cute”. She asked him, “Is that all you have got my dear brother”, and started to laugh at him. His face shrunk. He couldn’t take it anymore. He moved back slowly.

She had finally found his weakness. More than his weakness, she found out a way to survive among all the intimidating creatures in her world.

“You know what? You all made me to laugh. Thank you so much”, she said with a lot of excitement. She turned towards Raksha, and said, “Sweet? No sweet. The bitter is tastier”. She looked up and laughed and she was instantly energized.

The three shocked beings slowly moved back.

8.                     Siblings are like Tom and Jerry

Sathya used to carry the lunch for both of them. On a day, the classes were cancelled in the afternoon due to the death of a local politician. When they returned home, their mom received them. She asked them to have their lunch as she went out to a nearby shop.

They both sat opposite to each other. She gave Jeevan his box of lunch and took hers. They both didn't look at each other. She placed her box on the table. She was looking at the box and seemed to be not interested in opening the box.

Jeevan found it odd, but he didn't react much. His box lid was stuck. He struggled a bit. When the box opened, he saw a scorpion inside. He dropped the box and screamed loud.

When the box fell down, the scorpion came out of it and ran towards him. As he tried to move away, he slipped from his chair and fell down. He was paralyzed for a moment in horror.

She slowly lifted her head up and looked at him. There was a wild smile on her face. She took the scorpion on her hand and took it close to him. She started to laugh seeing the tears flooding out of his eyes.

She threw it on him. He tried to move his body, but he couldn’t come out of the temporary paralysis. Fortunately, the scorpion ran away from him. She went behind the scorpion and killed it. She came back to look at her puny brother and said, “Oh! Dear, my sweet brother”. His face was still horrified.

She stepped away from him. His body slowly recovered from the paralysis. He was gaining his breathe after the horrifying moment.

She went to her lunch box and opened it. She started to eat the food. He was watching her. His face brightened. He wiped off his tears and went near the dining table. He lifted the chair from the ground and sat on it.

She was surprised, but still continued eating. He was excited and said, “Eat. Eat” with a bright smile. She completed eating and took the red chillies, which she left on the box and faced him. He was laughing even badly. “It's not the chillies, but this rat poison”, he said and showed the small bottle of poison, which he had added in her lunch box before leaving to school.

Her eyes darkened. She felt low and dropped her jaw. She couldn't lift her face. He felt happy like never before. He was expecting to see her go unconscious.

Slowly she raised her voice and said, “You didn't understand me. You never do. But mom know about us both”.

He was still laughing. He was waiting for her to express even more. She continued, “Mom leaves all chillies to you. She never puts any chilly on my box”. His lips closed slowly and eyebrows shrunk. She slowly lifted her head and faced him with a smile.

She gained her smile back. He frowned at her as he accepted his defeat.

The door opened and their mom returned with a friend. “My kids are like Tom and Jerry. They always fight, but never leave each other”, their mom told to her friend as they moved to the kitchen.

Sathya looked at him with a sadistic charm. He couldn’t take it anymore. So, he dropped his face.

9.                     Sister understands what even parents can't

“He is always brave and independent. He wants to go to places and explore. That’s why he wants to move to that college”, their mom, Bhagawathi was trying to convince their dad, Eashwar for his decision to join a college far away from their place and staying in hostel.

“I know he has grown-up. He is brave and responsible, and he can take his own decisions. But I am worried about her. How would they both leave each other? They both are attached to each other so much”, Eashwar tried to explain why sending Jeevan to hostel wouldn’t be a great idea.

“They would manage. They have to. They can’t live all their life together”, Bhagawathi replied.

“Ya, but why now. There is time for their separation. They are still kids”, Eashwar replied.

“Stop this. It is his decision. He wants to go. This is not the first time we are discussing this. He can manage”, Bhagawathi yelled at Eashwar and signaled him to stay calm. Eashwar turned his face away. He started to look at his children.

“Ha ha ha ha”, Sathya laughed mildly. “So, you’re leaving me, you coward”, she said to Jeevan. He turned his face away and continued packing without uttering a single word. She understood that her effort to convince was not going to work.

From the time she saw him frightened by her laugh, she started to dominate in their fights. She had shown some worst fears in his life. She had smiled all the times, he tried to show his dominance over her. Whenever he won over her in their games, she turned towards him calmly, and said, “How cute!!”, with a bright smile. Her calmness was driving him mad.

He lost sleep, trying to retain his position. He could not break her will. Finally, he gave up, but she was not ready for any peace treaty. She always touched his ego, and kept scaring him of death whenever she had got a chance. Her smile started to haunt him. Her voice saying, “How cute” was his worst nightmare. He was craving for inner peace, but she didn’t want to leave the fun.

He wanted to run away from her as far as possible. He waited for his school days to get over. When he got to see his results and realized that he had passed, he was the happiest man on the planet. Right away he applied to the college that was far away from his house. He somehow found out a rare group which was available in that college, and convinced his parents that he was passionate about studying the course and that was the only college, which offered that.

He had a hard time to convince everyone and to pretend that he was going to miss his sister. She was shaken by this decision, because her only fun in the world was leaving her. She took some efforts to stop him, but when she realized that her efforts were failing, she started to enjoy making fun of her brother’s cowardice.

She accepted the fact that he was leaving, because he was afraid of her. Since he had surrendered so pitifully, she did not enjoy his presence anymore. She could have easily created a drama to stop him, but she had simply lost the fun. She prepared herself to find a life outside.

10.   Your absence is killing me

Months had passed since Jeevan left the house. Sathya couldn’t find a purpose to continue her life. She could go to school, she could listen to class, she could understand everything around her, there was so much entertainment available to her, but she felt like she had lost interest in everything.

She lived a misery during her childhood. She had turned to be a monster as grew up. Every time she had her brother with her. He was the one responsible for whatever happened to her. She hated him the most during her childhood. Then, she made him a toy with which she could play every day. Now, he was not there. It hurt her.

Every morning she lost her sleep early in the morning. She used to search for him everywhere in the house hoping that his absence was just a dream, but later she would realize that it was all true.

Everything in her life reminded her of him. Whenever she saw a venomous insect, she remembered how she used to place them in his bag, so that it would give him a surprise sting. Whenever she saw a bell pin, she remembered how she used to put it inside his glass of milk hoping it would tear his mouth someday. Whenever she saw glue, she used to apply it in his shoe sole, hoping his shoe would be stuck on his legs forever. Whenever she saw a cigarette, she used to light it and place it in his room, so that he would get caught. Whenever she saw a fish, she used to place it in his wardrobe to give a flavored smell to his dress.

It was hurting her so bad. She really felt purposeless whenever she got the thought that the golden days would never come again. She could master in everything she tried to distract his thoughts, but she could not get carried away by anything.

“I act like your absence doesn't bother me, but it is really killing me”, she murmured thinking about him.

She started to think about how unforgivable his brother’s childhood behavior to her. As she started to think about all the mental tortures she had gone through, slowly a drop of tear dropped from her eye.

She felt the rage and pain to take revenge on him. She thought about all that she had done to take her vengeance. She realized that a few of her actions could have even killed him. She thought that he deserved to die. But, for a moment she thought about what would have happened, if he had died.

She went deep into the thought. She saw a life, she saw loneliness, she was in a marathon and suddenly a group of people were running with her. She couldn’t understand what was happening around her. There was a snake near her legs trying to bite her. She was afraid and she moved away. It looked like the snake was happy about her fear. It suddenly started to chase her. She was running faster in fear. She panicked. There was no space for her to run, because of the marathon. She followed behind the slowest person and still trying to escape from the snake.

She paused for a minute and turned towards the snake. The snake attempted to bite her. She moved swiftly and held the snake by its neck. She took a closer look at the snake. The snake hissed a several times to scare her. But she realized that the snake couldn’t do anything. She smiled at the snake. The snake tried to escape. Her grip was so strong. Then the snake gave up trying.

She left the snake on the ground. The snake regained all its energy to attack her. Instead of running, she tried to step on it to kill it. The snake moved back. She moved towards the snake. Snake started to slide away from her. She started to chase it.

Seeing the snake approaching them, the other runners stepped aside in fear. She was the only one behind the snake and she eventually crossed every other runner. After a point, she jumped over and caught the snake, and she killed it.

Suddenly everything in her world vanished. There was she standing alone in no man’s land. Even there was no land. She was completely lost in space and time.

She came back to consciousness and realized how bad her life would have been if she had killed her brother. She regretted her actions. She felt that she should have been kind to him. However, it was those cruel actions that had ended the tortures that she had been going through for years.

Perhaps, she was doing things because she had no other option. He made her what she was. She wanted to forgive him. She wanted to move out of his life forever, which would be beneficial for both of them. She wanted to move away from everyone.

11.   Finding the love of life

Sathya reduced to make any interaction with other people around her. Even when Jeevan arrived during his holidays, she faced him just, so that her parents would not raise any questions. However, she completely stopped talking with him and avoided seeing him throughout his stay.

After hundreds of hours of retrospective and introspective thinking, she had arrived to a conclusion that she had to find her happiness in her own self rather than depending on anyone. She could not go back to her friends, because she had treated everyone in her close circle the same way she treated her brother. She was less cruel to others than his brother, but she didn’t want to fix anything. She knew that people would leave her one day or the other. So, she had to find something that would stay with her.

Her habit of spoiling others’ happiness was withholding her from finding her own happiness. She had to fight through everything. Her mind was completely filled with a swamp of cruel thoughts. She wanted to cleanse her brain. She wanted her mind to stay calm.

She started to develop hobbies. She started to read books. She started to concentrate on her subjects at school. She thought that books were releasing her from her own mental prison. But whenever she felt the presence of a human near her, she felt an urge to spoil their day. She lost control of her mind several times.

So, she wanted to stay away from them as much as possible. She spent most of her days in library. Whenever the library was occupied, she used to go away to the rooftop of her building and sit silently. She couldn’t do much there. To control her thoughts, she started to observe the sky, stars and other elements. She started to get fascinated by natural elements. She wanted to explore more about them.

She started to read more about astronomy when she was in library. She started to conduct thought experiments about astronomy whenever she was alone at home.

Things suddenly looked like they were turning in favor of her. She started to realize that people weren’t bad after all. She thought that it was OK to avoid people rather than being in vicinity with them and end up attacking them.

Once her school was over, she wanted stay away from her home. She joined a Physics degree and opted to stay in hostel. She thought that if she had moved away from the house, she would lose the memories from her past, and she could lead a peaceful life.

For the first few days of her college life, she spent alone in her small space, and completing the joining formalities. It was hard to adapt to the new conditions, but gradually she started to enjoy her presence in the college.

She was happy with whatever she had. She didn’t like anybody’s company. She avoided going to her hostel room. She spent her evening sitting in open area and admiring at the sky, and the library. She went to her room, just for sleeping. She had not made even a single friend voluntarily.

When she was in her room, she avoided most conversation. But one day, her roommate, Jessica was waiting for her arrival. When she came to the room, Jessica said, “Hey! I had been waiting for you”.

She was surprised to see someone showing care about her existence. Jessica continued, “We haven’t talked much. So, I thought of getting to know about you”.

She was not concerned about taking this conversation any further. She said, “I am in a bad mood. Let us talk some other day”, and moved on to her bed. She laid down and covered her body and face with her blanket.

She started to think whether to proceed and make friendship with people, or to avoid them. She couldn’t get into any conclusion. Suddenly, a voice from her mind said, “No. People would betray and leave you. Be a friend of yourself. You are your own lover. So, don’t betray your love”.

She stopped thinking and fell asleep.

12.   Your smile is my melting point

A few days after Vishwa’s death, Jeevan talked with Sathya again. After twelve minutes of awkward silence and twenty-nine minutes of unnecessary introductions, they started to speak about the murder.

"You should have tried hard", he said. "Hard? What type of hard are you saying", she asked him.

"The type of hard, which would be more tolerant to all forms of evilness", he replied. She started to say something, but then she stopped, because she knew that he was not ready to listen.

"Please tell it", he said. "You're not ready to listen. You're going to blame me anyway. Why should I", she asked.

"That was before a week. I've thought over things. I could understand that you've been in a stressful situation. Just tell me your point", he replied.

"How often have you seen me behave like a human", she asked. "Not quite often. Actually, never as per my memory", he replied.

She moved away. She took a bag and opened it. After searching it for a while, she took a piece of paper and showed it to him. "You know I'm not so strong in poetry, but I still managed to do this", she said as she walked towards him. She handed over the paper to him.

He said, "Firstly this is unbelievable that you're making it dramatic, instead of just speaking about it. That's so like humans", and opened up the paper to read the contents.

He read it loud. It was written, "Mercury melts at -38° F". He stopped it right there. He turned towards her and asked, "How many times to tell you? Farenheit is simply a stupid unit of temperature measurement. Why don't you use Celsius? What makes you feel that Farenheit is more convenient".

She paused for a moment, because she wasn't expecting that from him. "You're unbelievable", she said and continued, "It doesn't matter. I'm not writing any scientific formulas to use convenient units. Please read further".

"Whatever", he said and continued reading, "Gold melts at 1948 °F. Iron melts at 2800 °F. I melt at the glance of your smile".

He started to smile. There was a moment of peace on his face. He slowly turned towards her, and asked, "You've done such a wonderful thing, but why didn't you give it to him".

She replied, "I tried to be a human. This was not my first attempt. Many of my attempts have failed. But this time", she paused to think about the right words.

"What happened this time? This letter could have changed everything. What stopped you from doing it", he asked.

"The very fact that he literally melted before I could tell him about how his smile was melting me", she said. There was a silence again. He was trying to understand what could have happened.

She continued, "That day he said something pleasing. So, I did this in his absence to surprise him. But what he meant with his sentence meant something unpleasing. I lost all my temper at once and punished him. He melted. Actually, he didn't. He got burnt. It would have been awkward, if I had told him about how I was being melted by him at that moment. So, I chose not to".

"Years ago, I thought you're quite predictable and needed a small inspiration to change everything. But I was wrong. There's a lot more involved in it", he said.

The awkward silenced filled the room yet again.

13.   Friends are the siblings from different mother

Sathya’s new beginning at the college did not even exist for a month. The day after Jessica introduced herself, things started to turn around.

The next morning when Sathya was going to class, she found people to be unusually happy. She was lost in her thought that it took time for her to realize that people were laughing after she had crossed them. She was so displeased.

She could not focus on anything. The laughter reminded her of the cruel laughter of her brother whenever he used to ridicule her. It was freaking her out. She wanted to shout at every individual to stop laughing at her, but she didn’t know why they were laughing at her. She moved away from everyone angrily and went back to room.

She looked into the mirror to see if something was wrong in her face. She found nothing abnormal. She opened up her dress, and found that the phrase “Silent Bitch” was written on the back of her dress. She was furious. When she looked around, she saw a red marker on Jessica’s desk.

She held the dress on her hand and sat down. Her mind started to heat up again. All she could hear was laughter. The laughter sound kept ringing on her ears. The laughing faces appeared before her. She was lost in a world, where there was crowd all around pointing their hand at her and laughing. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run away. But all exits were closed.

Her whole dream of living a peaceful life was ruined with a single incident. Every people in the world looked like monsters to her. The laughing sound was driving her crazy. Then she screamed out loud holding her eyes and ears closed. She found that all the people and walls around her were getting blasted in her scream.

It took her a few minutes to realize that she was actually screaming inside a closed hostel room. She regained her energy. She wore the same dress again and walked out. She imagined that she was walking in between a laughing crowd though there were only a few who had noticed her that time. She walked towards Jessica. She found a girl on the way asking, “Hey! Bitch. With whom did you sleep yesterday”. Everyone around laughed at her even more.

Sathya turned towards her. She stared at her as if she was going to burn her with her eyes. The girl came a step closer. Sathya turned towards Jessica to check whether she was looking at her. After confirming that Jessica was looking at her, she turned towards the girl and said, “Oh! Don’t you know already? I was with your dad. He was old and stinky, but it was OK. I could manage with him”.

The girl pushed her, and walked back in embarrassment. She shouted at her, “Let me complete”. The girl paused for a moment. She continued louder, “You know what he said when he was leaving? That your mom is way too old and couldn’t comfort him anyway. He said that I was the best he had ever had. I even recommended to send your mom and you to me for a day, so that I could teach you both, how to do things”.

The girl was broken. The girl ran away with tears. Jessica was absolutely stunned on seeing this. Sathya looked at Jessica once with a sarcastic smile and walked to playground. The people who were watching the scene were frozen in their place with their eyes pointed towards her for a few minutes. Then things had started to move on regularly, but with one change.

She was smiling outside, but there was a fire burning inside. She felt like burning the whole of mankind to live peacefully. The laughter sound in her mind kept disturbing her peace. Things had become abnormal in her life again. Her inner voice said, “Don’t run away. Don’t be kind. That’s what the world has given to you. Give them back the same. You can avoid people and problems, but they would keep coming for you. Don’t avoid. Fight them and chase them back to their own territory. Remember the laughter. Never let it go. Let the fire keep burning”.

14.   Sweet taste of Prince Charming

Sathya lost her mind in imaginations. She went back to room. She was recollecting all her life incidents. She imagined a hundred possibilities of how her life was about to be from then on. In every possibility, she was literally engaging in battles with everyone around her.

After a while, she heard the knocking sound. The door slowly opened, as it was not latched. Jessica showed her face and went straight to her. Jessica said with a concern, “You know what? I did just for fun. That's how friends are supposed to behave. But you took it so seriously and hurt the other girl. So, don’t do it. If you want, you make fun of us too”.

Sathya looked at her. She showed no expression on her face, so Jessica waited for her to speak. She smiled at Jessica and said, “OK”. She laid down, covered her body and face with blanket and fell asleep. Jessica stared at her for a moment. She threw herself away.

Sathya moved towards her bed. Though Jessica explained her situation, she wanted to teach Sathya a lesson. She thought about it for a while, and slept off.

Jessica felt something odd when she was sleeping. She felt some kind of rubbing on her lips. She thought that she was dreaming, and it would have been her “Prince Charming”, who was trying to kiss her to wake her up from her sleep. There was a bit of sweetness on her lips. It felt like she was living a fantasy.

After a while, she realized that the rubbing did not feel like a kiss, but it felt odd. She woke up to realize that there was a cockroach on her lips. She pushed it out and started screaming. She wiped her lips with her hand. She found that there was wet sugar on her lips. She was staring at the cockroach without a blink hoping it would go away soon. Swiftly she folded her legs and covered her whole body with her blanket.

After the cockroach left the room, she heard a laughing sound. It was Sathya. She was pointing at Jessica and laughing out madly. Jessica was sweating badly due to the shock. Sathya’s laugh made her heart pump heavily. Jessica threw her blanket on her.

“You mental”, Jessica shouted.

Sathya laughed even louder. Jessica couldn’t take it anymore. Sathya paused her laugh for a moment, and exclaimed, “Wow! What a wonderful romance! I guess you are born for each other”, and continued to laugh.

Jessica woke up from her bed and walked towards the bathroom.

15.   Friends make fun of each other

As soon as Jessica returned from the bathroom, Sathya said, “I accept your offer. Let us be friends. I never had a friend before. Maybe we could become best friends”.

Jessica rushed to her table. She took her rosary, and cried to Lord, “Why me Lord? Why me? Isn’t there any other unfortunate human, who could have taken this”.

Sathya laughed on seeing this. She woke up from her bed and walked towards Jessica. She pinched both her cheeks and said, “How cute my dear! We are friends and we make fun of each other. That’s how friendship works”.

Jessica pushed her away. She got dressed up rapidly, took her bag and escaped from what she believed to be the hell on Earth. She went straight to her best friend’s room. Nithya and Janani were still on their bed.

“Wake up girls. Sathya is really a monster. I literally escaped from her”, Jessica said as she entered their room.

“What happened? Why do you panic so much”, Nithya asked. Jessica explained the whole story. Nithya and Janani burst out in laughter. In a moment they understood the seriousness and tried to console her.

They all got ready, and walked to the canteen for morning breakfast. While they were walking, Nithya said, “I knew it. On my fight sight, I knew that she was a monster”.

Jessica said, “It doesn’t matter whom she is. I want to show her whom I am. Help me out”.

Janani said, “Ok. That’s why we are here for. Don’t worry. We will find out a way”.

They took their food and sat on their seats. Nithya said, “This is our real challenge. We should not let her dominate. We should break her confidence down and make her beg us to pardon her”.

“Yeah. We have to do a master plan. Where do we start”, asked Janani.

After some time, Janani said, “She is not worth doing a master plan. Let us simply lock her inside the room. She will go mad and pardon for mercy. As simple as that”.

“Ya. Let’s not open the door a full day. There is no food in the room. She will starve. That will do”, agreed Jessica.

“Faster. Finish the food fast, so that we could lock her up before she leaves out”, said Janani.

As she was saying that Jessica received a phone call from Sathya. Jessica asked everyone to stay calm while answering the call, and said, “Hello”.

“Jessica, hello. Listen. Listen. I couldn’t find my room key. I kept it on your table yesterday. It might have fallen in your bag. Can you check if it is there”, Sathya asked on the phone.

Jessica was a little frustrated, but pretended to be cheerful. She replied, “I’ll check it in my bag and call you back. Till then you stay in the room”.

“OK. Let me know. I had checked throughout the room. I couldn’t find it. If not available, can you come back to room, so that we can lock the room and go together”, Sathya asked. There was a seriousness in her tone.

“Ya. OK. Just stay calm on the bed. I’ll come back after breakfast”, Jessica said and cut the call. She jumped in joy. “Eat slowly. She is not going anywhere, because she don’t have the key”, she expressed her joy.

“Oh! I thought she would apologize and ruin our plan”, said Nithya.

“Whom? Sathya? Only humans have courtesy. She escaped from zoo”, Jessica replied and took her bag and tried to open it with one hand. Janani helped to open the zip.

As they opened the bag, a mouse jumped out of it. “Awwww”, they shouted and tried to move away. Jessica pushed NIthya and Nithya fell with her chair. Janani stood up and jumped in her place. While doing that her plate fell off the table and food spilled on her legs.

The mouse ran away in between the chaos. Janani stopped shouting and helped each other to become steady. As they turned around, everyone around were looking at them and laughing at them. They felt so embarrassed.

Their heart beat shot up. Their faces became red. They were frowning at everyone and radiating negative energy throughout the place. They walked out leaving all the mess they had created.

They walked straight back to the room and found that it was opened. “She is still there. Let’s lock it”, Jessica said. They kind of felt relieved that their master plan was not affected by the mouse incident. There was a note attached to the door handle.

Jessica read it. “Now please lock the door and come to class. I will be waiting for you”.

16.   Friends make your day interesting

In less than a week, Sathya had destroyed the confidence of Jessica and made sure that she wouldn’t disturb her anymore. Those incidents made her classmates and neighbors to take a step away from her. Nobody wanted to go close to her.

She liked the circle of void that she had created around her. She had all the space she had needed to live her life in peace, except that her mind was not at peace. She had gone through a lot when her brother left the house. She had taken strenuous efforts to calm down her mind and find a mental stability.

Now, that incident had caused a ripple. She couldn’t control her thoughts anymore. She felt like she was in the middle of a busy traffic signal, and more than a hundred cars were honking to move away. Sometimes she felt like drilling a hole on her brain to turn it off. When the noise went to extreme, she wanted physical pain to neutralize the noise.

After trying electric shocks, slapping, falling off chair etc., she realized that the pain only had momentary effects and they couldn’t control the noisy mind permanently. On such a day, when she was holding her head and wondering how she would escape from the noise, she heard a sound.

It was Sameer from her class. She was looking down. She lifted her face up to see who was there, and then dropped it to its initial position. Sameer said, “Hey Sathya! I was seeing everything happening to you. It is alright. The world is so mean. If you feel like talking something, you could talk with me”.

She couldn’t focus on what he was saying, but she recognized that he was offering to help her. She signaled him with her hand to go away. He didn’t go. He continued, “Listen. I understand that you are in pain. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. You could share your pain with me”.

She was in no mood to listen to him. She took a deep breath and said, “Go away”. He didn’t move a bit. He was so determined to change her mind. He said, “I could see that people had broken your trust. You don’t even have to trust me. Just know that I would be there, if you need anything”.

She had given up. She lifted her head to have a good look at his face. She sat back and relaxed her neck and shoulders. She looked at his eyes, and asked, “So, you won’t go away”. He was so excited to see that he had brought a change in her mood. There wasn’t a drastic change, but things had started to work his way.

He controlled his excitements, and said, “I won’t” with a smile. She relaxed her body, took a deep breath and cleansed her throat. “What’s the problem with you? Be a man. If you have sexual problems, visit a doctor. Why do you speak all this with me? Move away”, she yelled at him loud enough to seek the attention of everyone around.

He was shocked. It took him a few seconds to understand what had just happened. He asked, “what” doubtfully.

She pointed a random boy, whom she referred as Sameer’s crush. She shouted at him, “Dude! Don’t you guys keep it inside your room? Don’t ever leave your boyfriend alone. Or is this your girlfriend? Whatever. Keep this inside your room”.

She woke up from her place and moved away. Everyone around looked at the faces of the guys, and laughed mildly inside them. Sameer dropped his face in embarrassment and slowly walked to the other side.

After she walked a bit, she realized that she was unusually happy after a long time. Her mind had stopped to make any noise. She stopped walking and thought about what had been happening the whole time.

She recollected every frame of the scene, and slowly ran it on her mind. She moved forward and backward to see when the noise had actually stopped and her smile blossomed. She found out that it was the moment, when Sameer acquired a shock on his face. As his face turned from happy slowly to regret, the intensity of noise in her mind gradually decreased.

That was what she was longing for many days. She had finally found out what was missing in her life, the ultimate doorway to bliss, the secret potion for unlimited happiness.

17.   Friends share everything between them

Weeks had passed since she had last messed up Jessica's happiness. Things were going smooth. Jessica started to ignore her. She had avoided interactions with her as much as possible. They found out to live peacefully with all their differences. There was an unspoken agreement between them to not interfere in other's work.

Jessica got a call from one of her friends. She got furious by the call and started to run towards the ground.

She found her boyfriend, Prem and his best friend, Khaleel engaging in a physical fight. She ran towards them as fast as possible shouting, “Stop guys”.

They both were hurt badly and when she entered the scene, Prem looked at her with rage and hit his friend even forcefully. Khaleel fell down. He couldn't move from his place.

Prem used abusive words against her and kicked his friend lying on the ground.

She was stunned by what had seen and heard. She regained her consciousness and yelled, “Stop it. What's wrong with you”.

Prem moved away from them. She helped Khaleel to wake up. As soon as he was on his legs, he pushed her away.

She went behind Prem and stopped him. “Stop coming near me”, he shouted at her and continued to walk.

She went in front of him to stop him. She asked, “What did I do”.

“Don't you know? Don't act so much”, he replied.

She couldn't figure out what would have happened. So, she asked him again, “I don't know what you're talking about. Can you please tell me”.

He looked away and kept walking. She went in front of him and stopped him with her hands. “what is wrong”, she asked.

He grabbed her phone and unlocked it. He searched for something. It looked like he couldn't find what he was searching. So, he gave back the phone and said, “Khaleel and I are so close. We share everything between us, but that doesn't mean I would like to share you with him”. He scolded her using all abusive words again.

She was shocked yet again and stood there watching him speak. He kept speaking, but nothing went inside her ears. He pushed her away and moved.

She came back out of the shock and went to him. She asked, “what made you think so”.

He didn't reply. “You know how much I love you. You're the only one in my life”, she said.  As she was saying that tears started to roll down her cheeks.

“Oh! I'm the only one for you. Let's confirm it. Come”, he said in a rush trying to control his anger. He held her hand tightly and walked to the place where he was fighting earlier. He found that Khaleel had already left the place.

So, he said, “Ya. I'm a fool to expect him to still be here. Where's his phone”. He started to search in his pockets to find Khaleel's phone.

He took it away, unlocked it and gave it to her. “Don't think of deleting it here also. I've memorized all your conversations”, he said as she started to read.

It was a conversation between her and Khaleel. It started with her trying to flirt with him and it went way beyond what would be considered as a friendly talk.

“No. No. I didn't do this”, she spoke. Her body started to shiver in fear. Tears totally rolled on face. She started to cry out. He moved away saying, “I'm not ready to believe anything”.

She stood there and tried to verify if it was really her account. She checked her phone and found out no such conversation. She stood there depressed thinking about what would have gone wrong.

18.   Good friend knows all your secrets

Jessica entered the room. She closed the door forcefully and locked it. She went towards Sathya.

Jessica slapped her. She choked her neck and said, “How dare you”.

Despite the hard effort Sathya was taking to breathe, she remained calm and looked at Jessica's face. It looked tired. The cheeks were red and her eyes were swollen. She presumed that Jessica would have cried a lot.

Sathya couldn't breathe anymore. She was going unconscious. Jessica released her hand and Sathya took drop deep breathes.

She wasn't sure about what could have happened. Jessica came near her. She took Sathya’s phone. She asked her to tell the password. Jessica took her index finger as she realized that there was a finger print sensor on the phone and unlocked it.

Sathya realized what made Jessica act wild all of a sudden. Jessica went through her chat with Sameer. She started to read his messages loud but not in order.

“You're in my heart”

“I won't hesitate to sacrifice my life for you”

“I love you unconditionally”

Then Jessica turned out to Sathya. “You're a pure devil. You've ruined people's lives. Now you've hypnotized an innocent person to fulfill your needs”, she shouted and went out with her phone.

Sathya sat on her bed watching the door for a while. Her brain started to think about the lines he had said to her. She sat idle and analyzed all her thoughts for an hour. Then she stood up and walked slowly towards the door.

Her mind was filled with so many thoughts. She paused and walked back to the room.

Jessica came back. She looked calm. She gave back her phone. She said, “Why did you do this to me? I made fun of you because I thought of you as a friend. Now you've spoiled my whole life”.

Sathya came near Jessica. She touched her shoulder and said peacefully, “Good friends know each other's secrets. Best friends create them”.

She looked at the Jessica’s face getting reddish. Jessica was shivering as she was trying to control her anger. She pushed Sathya away and walked out fast.

Sathya went back to her previous thinking position and started to wonder about things with a calm and settled mind.

 19.   Life is full of surprises

Sathya woke up in the morning. She realized that Jessica was not in her room. It alerted her that that day might be a special day. She got ready and walked out of the hostel. Suddenly, she felt a pull by someone and before she could see anything, her mouth was closed using sticky tape.

They took away her phone and bag from her. They were Prem and Khaleel.

She understood why they were trying to kidnap her. She didn't make any noise. Her face showed an expression of shock and fear. They slapped her and took her inside their car. They tied her hands tight.

Her eyes were shrinking and gradually she fell unconscious. They panicked a bit on seeing that. They checked her vitals and found out that she was alive. So, they parked the car on a no man's place behind their college.

They both came out of the door and started smoking. An old man was standing on their site. So, they were waiting for him to leave before they could do anything.

“Let's rape her and throw her nude on the road”, Khaleel said.

Prem was upset remembering all the things that happened. “She should never forget this incident in her life. She should know whom we're”, he started to speak and kept on shedding his anger through his words.

The old man walked away. They took the final few puffs of the cigarette and moved towards the car.

She was still lying unconscious inside. Khaleel moved in. “Let's record this and release it online”, Prem said. They both looked for their phones. Khaleel gave his phone and said, “Start recording”.

Prem took the phone, but his other hand was still searching for his phone.

“But where is my phone”, he said. Khaleel turned towards him. Suddenly he was pushed away. They both looked inside the car.

Sathya released her hands from the rope and removed the tape from her mouth. “Well that's the point”, she said and stood up.

They both looked for the phone in the car, but when they couldn't find it, she said, “here” and gave Prem’s phone.

He found that the phone was unlocked. So, he ran through all his apps, but couldn't find anything different.

“What did you do”, he shouted and looked at her furiously. “There's nothing to talk. Let's finish her”, Khaleel said and moved towards her.

“Khaleel! Wait. What if I had called the police”, Prem said in a hurry to stop him from approaching her.

She jumped out of the car and expressed her joy with a broad smile. “That was interesting”, she said.

20.   Slow and Steady wins the race

She stood before them and said, “That was interesting”.

They wanted to stop her before she could plan anything. Khaleel rushed towards her and held her hands from behind.

She started laughing and said, “stop it. It's tickling me. Ok. Actually, this is nice. Hold me this way” and burst out laughing.

They both couldn't find what she would have probably done. So, they couldn't move forward with their action. They kept looking at each other and at her repeatedly.

She broke the silence and asked, “You want to know how”.

Khaleel said, “Tell me what you've done, or else..”. She interrupted, “Ya. I'll tell. Wait. I'm more excited about this than you. But I have a problem with you holding my hand”.

“I won't leave you. Tell what it is”, he said.

“Even I'm not asking you to leave me. You're being gentle and it's ticklish. Hold it tight. Like a man, you know”, she burst out laughing again as she said that.

He was irritated and used all his energy to hold her. “Ah. Ah”, she screamed and said, “Ya. Like that. Now it feels better”.

Khaleel and Prem looked at each other helplessly as the scene was getting messy.

“You're being wild. Are you a fan of ManVsWild, the famous TV show, you know? Bear Grylls”, she asked Khaleel.

He tightened his grip even more. “Ok. Ok. I'll tell you”, she said and continued. “Bear Grylls always carries a knife with him. I'm his fan too”, she said. Prem went to the car and searched everywhere to find the knife.

He returned hastily. He slapped her. “I don't care too much. Tell what you've done, or I'll kill you here and I would face whatever it would take”, he said in a deep voice.

“Oh! You could this too? Ok. The knife is not in the car, it's in my socks. I know how to handle it. Also, you're too careless. You've simply left your phone in the car when you went for the smoke”, she said.

“Enough”, he shouted. He held her chin and tried to crush it. “Tell what you've done. Or you would regret this moment for your whole life”.

Her energy had dropped. She was about to open it up, but there was a bike sound nearby. So, he closed her mouth.

Khaleel took her inside the car.

21.   I would sacrifice my life for you

The bike came towards the car. Khaleel looked for the knife in her socks. She kept moving constantly making it tough for him to find it.

The person on the bike was Sameer. He stopped the bike, and walked towards Prem. He seemed to be in panic.

“Listen. Listen. I'm really sorry for whatever she could have done to you. But she's mentally disturbed. I'm sorry. I'm extremely sorry. Please spare her for me”, the words rushed from his mouth as he came close to Prem.

Prem looked around. When he was sure that Sameer had come alone, he signaled Khaleel to bring Sathya out.

Prem moved towards Sameer. He locked Sameer from moving.

Sameer panicked even more. He said, “I don't mean to fight. I'll do any help you want. I came alone. You can trust me”, he said.

Sathya was silently watching everything. Prem looked at everyone and slowly released his grip. He said to Khaleel, “Leave her. We can handle it some other way”.

Khaleel released her and she went towards Sameer. Sameer made sure she was alright and looked at Khaleel and Prem.

Sameer was already sweating due to fear. He slowly moved towards the bike with her. Khaleel looked at Prem with surprise. Prem wanted to clarify his thought and said, “She had my phone. You think she'll do such a stupid thing? She has a different plan. So, I did the unexpected. That's why she was confused when she left. Now her plan would have failed. We can wait to have our revenge”.

A police siren was heard from somewhere. She pushed his helper and ran towards the car. “My knife”, she shouted. Sameer ran behind her.

He shouted to Prem and Khaleel, “Guys! Please spare her. I beg you”. They moved away from the car and watched the police jeep enter the area.

She went inside the car and took the folding knife from the seat cover, where she had placed it earlier.

Sameer came close to the car by that time. She tried to attack Khaleel using the knife. In a defensive move, he pushed her away. She moved swiftly and made a few cuts in his body.

He was conscious about the approaching police jeep, so he was planning to not attack her. Sameer came near her and held her from behind. She kicked Prem, who was right before her and spit on his face.

Prem grabbed the knife from her hand. He held her hand tight and tried to take the knife from her hand. Sameer moved her only to get stabbed on his chest. She removed the knife from his chest and tried to attack Prem and Khaleel. They ran away as they saw the police coming close.

She came back running to Sameer and said to him mildly, “You really gave your life for me. That's nice. I'm so happy. I love you. Your role in my life is over. Goodbye”.

22.   Her killer smile took him to different world

Vishwanath’s memory was making the family relationships miserable. She had finally locked up his house and shifter all her things back to her parent house. Days moved faster than ever.

She couldn't forget what she had done. She was awake unusually early in the morning. She heard the knocking sound of the room's door. She got up from her bed and opened the door.

"You're awake, so soon" said Jeevan and entered the room. She didn't reply. He walked in and started to search the place. She silently looked at him. "I need your charger. Mine is not working" he said and kept looking for it.

She didn't reply. She was lost in her thoughts. Or she was just blank. "Hello madam", he yelled to get her attention. He waited for her response looking at her face.

She came back to reality. She could see that he had been searching for something. "Do you want something", she asked. "Charger, your charger", he said.

She just pointed at her pillow, and said, "there, below it". He moved towards the pillow. She slowly moved towards the window. He took three pillow and found the charger there. He took it with his other hand.

"Why do you keep your charger below the pillow", he asked gently placing the pillow back in its position. Since she didn't reply, he looked at her. She was approaching the window. He gazed at her as she reached the window.

She slowly moved the curtain away and let the Sun rays fall on her. She felt cleansed by the purity of Sun rays. She closed her eyes, raised her head up and allowed the rays to cleanse all her sins. She felt that it would take multiple births before all that she had done would be cleansed.

He walked near her. "Oh! Dear sister. Is this the first time you're looking at the orange Sun in the morning", he asked. She didn't respond. He realized that she was into a different world inside her mind. He didn't want to disturb her.

He looked at the Sun and remembered all that had happened. He took a deep breath trying to digest the facts.

"How weird", she said without opening her eyes. "Or is it ironical", she asked to herself. "I don't know what to feel about it. It's strange, but not in a likable way", she said and came back to her consciousness. She turned towards him. He looked at her with confusion.

"Is it an irony", she asked. He couldn't make sense of anything that she was saying. With the confused tone he asked, "what are you speaking about".

"There was this movie in which the lead actor says, "Whenever she knows I'm not well, she gives a killer smile. That smile will make me forget all the pain. I would go to a different world". My husband was also in pain when I gave him a killer smile. After a moment, he felt no pain. He was into a different world", she said with a mild smile on her face.

He couldn't bear it. She was totally silenced. She looked at his face and realized the actual meaning of what she had said. The smile on her face vanished. Her head went low. She thought about how cruel she had been. A small drop of tear fell from her eyes.

23.   Brother understands what parents can’t

Six months after Sameer's death, the case was officially closed. Prem and Khaleel were sent to jail. The college principal helped Sathya to discontinue from their college and join a college near her home.

The scene would have lost control, if Jeevan hadn't come to help her at the right time. He seemed to be a different man. Years of staying away from home had made him a peaceful person.

His change had surprised her a lot. She was desperate about getting all possible help from him. So, she had agreed to whatever decision he had taken. She understood that during the time she was not disturbing him, he had evolved to be a responsible person.

She was tired of the legal formalities which she had to undergo. Worse was all the consolations. Her sleep cycle was disturbed and she was never at rest.

“Look at me”, Jeevan told her. He sat near her after making sure that there was no one around.

She looked at him, but didn't speak. “I know about you more than anyone in the family”, he started to speak. She turned her face away slowly.

He continued, “You can't hide truth for so long. In the past few months, I saw a lot of pain in your face. People think that it's because you're suffering pain due to Sameer’s loss. But I know what it is”.

Her expressions changed, but she was still facing away. He took a small pause and then asked, “Tell me. Did you kill him”.

She was shocked by his question. She thought for a while keeping her face away. She couldn't decide how to respond to it. She needed more information from him to make sure what was really in his mind.

She waited a while for his response. He chose to speak nothing and break her patience. She was unsure about how much he would have deduced from her behavior. She finally thought about breaking his emotional balance.

She turned towards him and showed him a grieving face. He was unmoved. She was desperate about it. She tried to shed tears, but she couldn't do it. She maintained the same face for long time. When she realized that it was not working, she turned away.

He took a deep breath and said, “You don't have to tell it tonight. Take your time. Now sleep well”. He stood from her bed and moved out of the room.

Later that day he had gone back to his college.

24.   You are inside my heart

Jeevan returned home after two weeks. Sathya was anticipating him to enquire about the scene. During the two weeks she was imagining various scenarios and how she could tackle.

Initially she thought about plans to divert the topic whenever he raised it. She knew that it would increase the suspicion even more. So, she had planned to make up a few stories and found out that none of them made sense to her. Then, she wanted to face it boldly, but she dropped it because it would break her supremacy over him. She thought of destroying his peace even before he asked any question, but she saw the abnormal calmness in his face and thought that the plan wouldn't work. So, she finally decided to stay calm and not answer the question.

After a few hours, Jeevan and Sathya were alone in the house. She saw him coming towards her and prepared herself for the battle.

He stood near her. She had prepared herself to use the silence shield against all his questions. She raised her shield and made it ready to defend.

Before she could do anything, there came a surprise attack from her brother. He stayed calm without speaking a word. Her mind started to mess up due to the overflow of thoughts. Her ears sensed noise though the place was so silent.

Her mind was so disturbed. She couldn't handle it anymore. She opened up.

”I didn't kill him, but he died because of me. I caused his death. If you would call that a murder, I did kill him”, she said.

He didn't move a bit. He was waiting for her to open up further.

“I tested him. He passed the test giving his life, but he's a liar. I don't like him. So, I allowed him to die”, she said. She was expecting a reply from him. He was looking at her with surreal calmness.

She broke her silence and said, “The knife pierced conveniently on his chest. When I removed it, I looked deep inside and found that there was only blood in his heart”.

Jeevan didn't react even a bit. She failed to bring out expressions from his face. Sure continued, “Ok. He said that I was inside his heart. I checked it. You get it, right”.

“Yes, I get it”, he replied with a smile. He moved away from her.

She felt that something was terribly wrong with her brother. This was not the guy she saw leaving to hostel a few years ago. If he was that guy, he would have lost his mind just by her simple sight.

He had grown to be a monster of monsters. He was creating a sensation of freezing cold. His face and smile were haunting her. His memories induced tremors in her heart.

25.   I am like God

The fact that she had become a monster was depressing her every morning. On the other side, she couldn’t sleep at night peacefully without spoiling someone’s happiness. Her targets were mostly her in-laws, because it was easy to remind them about their son and make them cry. She had been doing this for weeks.

“How many people more? When will you realize that you are doing everything wrong”, he asked her when they were having a walk on the road.

“Why should I? When has the world ever been good to me”, she asked him back. He paused for a moment and replied, “There was a person. You know it”.

“Are you talking about Sameer”, she asked. “There you go. You’re smart”, he replied instantly.

“It was years ago. Don’t get me started with that. He was a fool. You know it. He should have stayed away when I had warned him. I didn’t ask him to come. I only gave him information about my location. He should have sent the police, but…”, she said angrily.

“You can say all your reasons, but you know it”, he replied. A moment of silence passed by.

After thinking for a while, she came up with a reason. She said, “It was all because of you. You had made me like this. You had ruined my life totally” she replied.

“Stop it right there. I can’t take the blame anymore. Do you remember why you got married”, he asked.

“How would I forget that? You had made me believe in the existence of love. Then I believed in mom’s words. She brought her relative’s son and so on”, she threw out her words.

“Yes, you remember everything except one important fact”, he replied and stopped walking. She also stopped and thought deeply about what she would have possibly missed. He continued, “Think about why I didn’t attend your wedding”.

She recollected all the memories as if they happened in a different life. It was hard for her to remember whatever happened during her wedding. There was unhappiness in her face. The groom was so excited about it. She didn’t like even a fraction of what was happening around. Still she remained silent and moved with the flow. She searched all through her memory about that day, but she couldn’t find his face anywhere.

“Because I died even before that happened”, he said.

The images of his death started loading on her mind. He was lying on the road hopeless. She was crying out loud seeking help and watched every last moment of his death.

“I am like God dear. You use me to escape from your responsibility. You think that blaming me would save you from remorse”, he said and continued, “It won’t dear. It won’t. You have to take the responsibility on you. You know why? Because, I don’t exist”.

He started to fade away. She tried to catch him, but failed in that attempt. She slowly paused and started to think about what happened on the day he died.

 26.   Promises hold life

“I had never been a good brother to you. I had experienced hellish moments in your absence. I understood how cruel I had been to you. I regretted it every day. Now I feel even worse for what you have become currently. Ruthless and reckless”, he said as they walked on the same road years ago.

“I can’t. This won’t happen. You had made me like this. I hated you. Now you had saved me from trouble and police cases. We are even now. Leave me. Let me live my life the way I want it”, she replied.

“You can live your life by letting others live. Stop this”, he said. She turned her face away and walked faster. He caught up with her speed and tried to stop her. She said, “You never let me happy. You had spoiled my whole childhood. Now I am trying to live my life the way I want. You don’t like this too. I am not going to consider listening to you”.

He made a swift move to go past her and stopped her. He said, “Sameer died because he loved you. There is still a lot of hope in your life. You don’t have to do this”.

“Not anymore. I am not interested in your fake and stupid hopes. That is of no good to me”, she said.

“It is love that we all need. It is that you didn’t get the love that you deserved in your childhood, you had given up on life. I don’t know how the world had been to you, but I know that there was one person, who had sacrificed his life for you. If that doesn’t matter to you, you are cheating yourself”, he said in a way to put away everything that was in his mind.

“And what if I don’t want it”, she asked. “I know that you need it more than anyone in the world. You think you don’t want it, when you actually need it”, he replied.

She stood there without speaking a word. He continued, “That is OK. There is love inside everyone. You just need to find it. When you find it, you would love him for every single heartbeat, for every single time the seconds hand touches a time mark. That is what you would do”.

She screamed at him. He didn’t move a bit. She shouted, “Leave me. Move out of my way. I know how to live my life”. He showed an expression of disagreement. She pushed him away. He slipped and fell on a child. The child lost balance and fell on the road. There was a car approaching the child. So, Jeevan stepped on the road, took the child and tried running to the road only to be hit by the car. A moment before he was hit, he threw the child towards his sister.

The car threw him meters away. The last thing he saw was his sister trying hard to catch the child and place it down to safety.

It took a few seconds for him to get his consciousness back, but he was in severe pain. She was holding his head high and a few people around were trying to help them. He somehow realized that he couldn’t hold his breath for too long. He whispered on her ears, “It was my mistake. I took the responsibility and I think I could stop things from getting worse. I saw you catching the child and letting it down safely on the land. You have taken your step”.

He heard an ambulance sound approaching and hoping to spare his breath till then. His words broke many times in between. He still managed to say it. She held his hand and said, “Every time second hand touched a mark. I promise”.

His eyes closed and his joints collapsed.