The evening of the winter was chilling me. I was running towards the coffee shop hoping Abinaya would not loose her temper waiting for me. I started 30 minutes early, but unfortunately I had got the weird thought of dressing up to meet her. My mom liked Abinaya She thought Abinaya and I would make the best pair.
It should have been the most appropriate arranged marriage ever. Abinaya looked like an angel in the photo that they had shown me, but I wanted to meet her. I wanted to know about her. I had used the past two weeks to prepare for the first meeting. I had ran through all the blogs, videos, and podcasts to learn about the dos and don'ts.
It was until the final moment, I had thought of going on a casual dress and look cool, but then things changed. I wanted to look like a man, a bit strong, matured, a man whom she could trust. So, I quickly went back and wore a suit. It just added 10 minutes more, but then I couldn't get the parking. So, I had to park my car almost a kilometre away on a private parking area and rush back. Yes, when I said running, I meant running.
When I saw the coffee house, I paced myself down. I waited for my heartbeat to reduce, so that she wouldn't think that I was desperate about this. It was sweating, so I had to silently go to the washroom and refresh myself. Fortunately, the washroom was just beside the entrance. So, I didn't have to face her all sweaty and messy.
When I was ready and felt confident, I went out. I searched for her. When I found her, I found that she was already looking at me. The sarcastic smile on her face indicated that she had been watching me the entire time. I had practised my killer smile before the mirror for more than a hundred times in the past two weeks, but I ended up giving an awkward smile in embarrassment.
I slowly walked towards her. She didn't look like an angel. She was actually an angel. Photos did lie. It felt like no perfect camera in the universe could have captured all the beauty that she had carried. Her beauty diffused in the air. I felt like the atmosphere inside the coffee shop was surrounded by the beauty and I was fainting.
She tried hard to control her laughter. I realised that I was staring at her for too long. She took her phone, and probably texted someone. She locked the phone, and kept it inside. It felt like I was walking on an ever stretching place, and the distance between us kept increasing as I started to walk. It felt like it would never end, and I was hoping that she wouldn't leave before I could reach her.
Finally my knees touched the chair and I realised that I reached the table. I could not move my eyes from her. I used my hands to touch and find the geometry and orientation of the chair. I slowly moved it and sat on it.
My mind was totally blank. That was the most uncomfortable time frame in my whole life. Two weeks of rehearsals for a single moment of introduction, and I couldn't find a single word to talk. My mind had attained nirvana and it was all empty and peaceful. The world made more sense to me at that moment. My life made more sense. Gravity, relativity, big bang, quantum computing, economics, GST, and even DL method made so much sense at that moment. I realised my true self and purpose in life. She was my destination and I felt that I was at the verge of attaining it.
It just needed a single magical word to open the gates to self-realisation, but I couldn't get it. She looked at me and said, "Hi" with a bright smile. Some people are really gifted with a beautiful smile. She cast a magical spell on me, which made my soul to go out of my body and view the whole scene from outside. I was a mannequin on the chair.
She waved her hand before my eyes and said, "Are you here? Is there anything wrong? Hello!"
My soul got the signal and came back to me. I felt alive once again. I was literally reborn at that moment. "Ya, hi! Hello! Nothing. Ya, Ok. Nothing nothing. It's just... It's the.... Nothing. Leave it. Hi", the words came out from my mouth. My brain wasn't active at all. I couldn't remember what was happening there. It took me a minute to recover my complete consciousness.
That was really my worst nightmare. I wanted to make her fall for me with a great smile and introduction. I had lost both. I failed terribly. I thought she would walk away and it was the end of it. I felt so depressed. I had failed my mom. It was so simple and I ruined it within a few minutes. I started to think about what all I could have done better. I wished I could invent a time machine to go back in time and redo that particular moment.
"You're panicking. Don't be afraid. I wont eat you. I am a vegetarian", she said and laughed. It was seriously a pathetic attempt for a joke. I wondered whether she was really stupid or was she also nervous and ruining her tries.
Her smile stopped and she started to wonder what was wrong with me. Then, I realised that it was much more easier than I expected it to be. Two weeks of preparation was totally meaningless. I believed that I would have managed so easily had I not prepared much. I gained confidence and said, "Good try for a joke. Better luck next time".
She smiled and said, "At least you could smile a bit. Even in the in your photos you were not smiling. I thought of cheering you, but it doesn't seem to be working".
I took a moment to process all the information that were contained in her words. Only when I had a complete understanding, I thought about giving her the best reply. A few sarcastic replies popped up in my mind, but I neglected them to be a little humble. I realised that I was overthinking and I started to speak, "Well! Not everyone is gifted with a natural smile. Me, for an example", I said.
"Everyone is born with a smile. It is the most natural thing a human can get", she replied.
"Very wrong. We are born crying and slowly become resistant to changes and pain. Some become natural smilers, others become angry, sad etc. Anger is my natural emotion", I replied.
"No. I strongly disagree", she replied.
My mind was expecting that reply and it had already made an essay with facts, experiences, and evidences to prove my theory, but I had to override it because, I wanted the argument to stop. So, I said, "Lets end this here. It is irrelevant".
"OK. May be irrelevant, but do you at least appreciate humour", she asked.
"I am a man with a weird sense of humour. I don't find things funny even when those things are universally accepted to be funny. The things I find funny needs a salient attention to every detail of the thing. So, people find me boring or irrelevant. So, I stick to silence rather than expressing everything that is on my mind", I replied.
She listened to the complete lecture with Bhoomadevi-level patience and said, "You can give it a try on me. We have more than an hour to talk", and smiled at me. Every time she smiled, an aroma of elixir formed around her. It spread through the air and made me intoxicated.
I was searching for examples. It was the third chance to impress her. I badly wanted to win at this. Pressure was building on me. I rejected so many plain jokes thinking that I could always come up with an intellectual stumping joke.
"Orders, sir!", a masculine voice came. I turned and found a waiter standing near me waiting for me to order. I looked at her. She looked at me and found that I was not ready to order. So, she ordered a cappucino, and looked at me, "what do you want", she asked.
"Tea. One tea", I stammered. It was an awful experience. He moved towards the kitchen. She looked at me and said, "I am still waiting, sir".
I regained confidence. I decided to go on with a flow. I took a deep breath and said, "Let me tell you a small story". She leaned forward eagerly to listen. I continued,
"There was a numerologist, who was closely associated with a family. He had named all the new-borns in their family. One day a girl child was born, and the child's father went to him. He said, "Guruji! I am blessed with another child. You need to bless her with a name".
The numerologist looked at the father and said, "By the name of God, I name your child Jai Sri Jagadamba Devi Durga Parameswari".
The father replied, "Oh Guruji! That was what you've named my first child" and continued in Hindi, "Abhi naya naam chahiye".
The numerologist looked up and down. He took all the scripts that he was carrying. He meditated on the divine Goddess for a minute and got into a realisation. He looked back at the father and asked, "What did you just say".
The father got scared thinking that numerologist was upset with his reply. He replied, "Guruji, please don't take me wrong. You had already named our first child the same. That is why I asked for a new name. I am sorry, if I had said anything wrong".
The numerologist smiled at him and asked again, "What did you say? I want the exact words". The father replied, "Abhi naya naam..". The numerologist stopped him right there and said, "Abhi naya". The father replied, "Haan ji. We need a new name". Numerologist smiled at him and said, "Abinaya is the name". And so, did they name their child Abinaya".
Her face was expressing some form of frustration. I started to smile. I looked at her eyes and said, "Guess what is the name of the father", and laughed at her.
And the coffee arrived. She cancelled it and walked out. I sensed that I ruined it completely. I knew that my mom would kill me when I return home. Or she might cut my meal for the night, if she knew about this. But, I didn't care about anything. I didn't even try to stop her. I was smiling and admiring at her. She was so beautiful when she was angry. I liked the raw beauty in her face. She walked past me.
I didn't know what was on her mind, but I definitely fell in love with her at that moment. I wanted to go to any extreme to get her in my life. I never needed another chance. I knew that I was gonna do it.
Then, the tea arrived. I had the tea. I closed my eyes and ran the entire sequence once again. The moment I ran for her, the moment when I saw her for the first time, that one plain smile with which she had made him blank, the first word from her mouth, the sweetness in her voice, all the funny stammering, the awkward joke, and the slow drift of her emotions, which occurred like a sunset on her face. The bright blue happy sky had started to disperse vivid colours of emotions setting a visual spectacle to finally settle into a dark night sky of anger. I preferred the night over the bright day.
It should have been the most appropriate arranged marriage ever. Abinaya looked like an angel in the photo that they had shown me, but I wanted to meet her. I wanted to know about her. I had used the past two weeks to prepare for the first meeting. I had ran through all the blogs, videos, and podcasts to learn about the dos and don'ts.
It was until the final moment, I had thought of going on a casual dress and look cool, but then things changed. I wanted to look like a man, a bit strong, matured, a man whom she could trust. So, I quickly went back and wore a suit. It just added 10 minutes more, but then I couldn't get the parking. So, I had to park my car almost a kilometre away on a private parking area and rush back. Yes, when I said running, I meant running.
When I saw the coffee house, I paced myself down. I waited for my heartbeat to reduce, so that she wouldn't think that I was desperate about this. It was sweating, so I had to silently go to the washroom and refresh myself. Fortunately, the washroom was just beside the entrance. So, I didn't have to face her all sweaty and messy.
When I was ready and felt confident, I went out. I searched for her. When I found her, I found that she was already looking at me. The sarcastic smile on her face indicated that she had been watching me the entire time. I had practised my killer smile before the mirror for more than a hundred times in the past two weeks, but I ended up giving an awkward smile in embarrassment.
I slowly walked towards her. She didn't look like an angel. She was actually an angel. Photos did lie. It felt like no perfect camera in the universe could have captured all the beauty that she had carried. Her beauty diffused in the air. I felt like the atmosphere inside the coffee shop was surrounded by the beauty and I was fainting.
She tried hard to control her laughter. I realised that I was staring at her for too long. She took her phone, and probably texted someone. She locked the phone, and kept it inside. It felt like I was walking on an ever stretching place, and the distance between us kept increasing as I started to walk. It felt like it would never end, and I was hoping that she wouldn't leave before I could reach her.
Finally my knees touched the chair and I realised that I reached the table. I could not move my eyes from her. I used my hands to touch and find the geometry and orientation of the chair. I slowly moved it and sat on it.
My mind was totally blank. That was the most uncomfortable time frame in my whole life. Two weeks of rehearsals for a single moment of introduction, and I couldn't find a single word to talk. My mind had attained nirvana and it was all empty and peaceful. The world made more sense to me at that moment. My life made more sense. Gravity, relativity, big bang, quantum computing, economics, GST, and even DL method made so much sense at that moment. I realised my true self and purpose in life. She was my destination and I felt that I was at the verge of attaining it.
It just needed a single magical word to open the gates to self-realisation, but I couldn't get it. She looked at me and said, "Hi" with a bright smile. Some people are really gifted with a beautiful smile. She cast a magical spell on me, which made my soul to go out of my body and view the whole scene from outside. I was a mannequin on the chair.
She waved her hand before my eyes and said, "Are you here? Is there anything wrong? Hello!"
My soul got the signal and came back to me. I felt alive once again. I was literally reborn at that moment. "Ya, hi! Hello! Nothing. Ya, Ok. Nothing nothing. It's just... It's the.... Nothing. Leave it. Hi", the words came out from my mouth. My brain wasn't active at all. I couldn't remember what was happening there. It took me a minute to recover my complete consciousness.
That was really my worst nightmare. I wanted to make her fall for me with a great smile and introduction. I had lost both. I failed terribly. I thought she would walk away and it was the end of it. I felt so depressed. I had failed my mom. It was so simple and I ruined it within a few minutes. I started to think about what all I could have done better. I wished I could invent a time machine to go back in time and redo that particular moment.
"You're panicking. Don't be afraid. I wont eat you. I am a vegetarian", she said and laughed. It was seriously a pathetic attempt for a joke. I wondered whether she was really stupid or was she also nervous and ruining her tries.
Her smile stopped and she started to wonder what was wrong with me. Then, I realised that it was much more easier than I expected it to be. Two weeks of preparation was totally meaningless. I believed that I would have managed so easily had I not prepared much. I gained confidence and said, "Good try for a joke. Better luck next time".
She smiled and said, "At least you could smile a bit. Even in the in your photos you were not smiling. I thought of cheering you, but it doesn't seem to be working".
I took a moment to process all the information that were contained in her words. Only when I had a complete understanding, I thought about giving her the best reply. A few sarcastic replies popped up in my mind, but I neglected them to be a little humble. I realised that I was overthinking and I started to speak, "Well! Not everyone is gifted with a natural smile. Me, for an example", I said.
"Everyone is born with a smile. It is the most natural thing a human can get", she replied.
"Very wrong. We are born crying and slowly become resistant to changes and pain. Some become natural smilers, others become angry, sad etc. Anger is my natural emotion", I replied.
"No. I strongly disagree", she replied.
My mind was expecting that reply and it had already made an essay with facts, experiences, and evidences to prove my theory, but I had to override it because, I wanted the argument to stop. So, I said, "Lets end this here. It is irrelevant".
"OK. May be irrelevant, but do you at least appreciate humour", she asked.
"I am a man with a weird sense of humour. I don't find things funny even when those things are universally accepted to be funny. The things I find funny needs a salient attention to every detail of the thing. So, people find me boring or irrelevant. So, I stick to silence rather than expressing everything that is on my mind", I replied.
She listened to the complete lecture with Bhoomadevi-level patience and said, "You can give it a try on me. We have more than an hour to talk", and smiled at me. Every time she smiled, an aroma of elixir formed around her. It spread through the air and made me intoxicated.
I was searching for examples. It was the third chance to impress her. I badly wanted to win at this. Pressure was building on me. I rejected so many plain jokes thinking that I could always come up with an intellectual stumping joke.
"Orders, sir!", a masculine voice came. I turned and found a waiter standing near me waiting for me to order. I looked at her. She looked at me and found that I was not ready to order. So, she ordered a cappucino, and looked at me, "what do you want", she asked.
"Tea. One tea", I stammered. It was an awful experience. He moved towards the kitchen. She looked at me and said, "I am still waiting, sir".
I regained confidence. I decided to go on with a flow. I took a deep breath and said, "Let me tell you a small story". She leaned forward eagerly to listen. I continued,
"There was a numerologist, who was closely associated with a family. He had named all the new-borns in their family. One day a girl child was born, and the child's father went to him. He said, "Guruji! I am blessed with another child. You need to bless her with a name".
The numerologist looked at the father and said, "By the name of God, I name your child Jai Sri Jagadamba Devi Durga Parameswari".
The father replied, "Oh Guruji! That was what you've named my first child" and continued in Hindi, "Abhi naya naam chahiye".
The numerologist looked up and down. He took all the scripts that he was carrying. He meditated on the divine Goddess for a minute and got into a realisation. He looked back at the father and asked, "What did you just say".
The father got scared thinking that numerologist was upset with his reply. He replied, "Guruji, please don't take me wrong. You had already named our first child the same. That is why I asked for a new name. I am sorry, if I had said anything wrong".
The numerologist smiled at him and asked again, "What did you say? I want the exact words". The father replied, "Abhi naya naam..". The numerologist stopped him right there and said, "Abhi naya". The father replied, "Haan ji. We need a new name". Numerologist smiled at him and said, "Abinaya is the name". And so, did they name their child Abinaya".
Her face was expressing some form of frustration. I started to smile. I looked at her eyes and said, "Guess what is the name of the father", and laughed at her.
And the coffee arrived. She cancelled it and walked out. I sensed that I ruined it completely. I knew that my mom would kill me when I return home. Or she might cut my meal for the night, if she knew about this. But, I didn't care about anything. I didn't even try to stop her. I was smiling and admiring at her. She was so beautiful when she was angry. I liked the raw beauty in her face. She walked past me.
I didn't know what was on her mind, but I definitely fell in love with her at that moment. I wanted to go to any extreme to get her in my life. I never needed another chance. I knew that I was gonna do it.
Then, the tea arrived. I had the tea. I closed my eyes and ran the entire sequence once again. The moment I ran for her, the moment when I saw her for the first time, that one plain smile with which she had made him blank, the first word from her mouth, the sweetness in her voice, all the funny stammering, the awkward joke, and the slow drift of her emotions, which occurred like a sunset on her face. The bright blue happy sky had started to disperse vivid colours of emotions setting a visual spectacle to finally settle into a dark night sky of anger. I preferred the night over the bright day.
